A couple days ago, I relayed a message — Hulk Hogan is returning to professional wrestling via TNA — and I was none too happy about it. He’s a mid-50s man with mid-80s knees, hips and back…carrying as much weight (a legit 300-plus pounds on a 6-foot-4 frame) and doing steroids for as long as he did will do that to a brother. *inserts Hogan impression* He was damn near immobile during the last match many would have seen, his win over Randy Orton at SummerSlam 2006. He can’t get it done in the ring, and he doesn’t really do business.
Still, the son of a bitch sucked me in on Thursday night’s Impact, which ended with taped footage of his initial press conference Tuesday at Madison Square Garden. A bold move, to say the least, since MSG is the Mecca of a certain wrestling promotion he helped launch to the stratosphere in the 1980s and has a No. 3 show with ratings comparable to the show he will soon join.
He looks like he always has, which means he’s an outstanding physical specimen for 36, let alone 56…the pythons are still in full effect. He sounds the same. Most importantly, he still has that undeniable charisma that, despite the inevitable letdown in the ring, still gives fans that glimmer of hope. That belief that, just like he did when we were young(er), he can take on whatever comes and get the job done.
No matter what, if only for a few moments, he makes you a Hulkamaniac all over again.
Obviously the Hogan signing was the big focus, which was good since Impact (which was taped last week) was a bit dull and needed something to prop it up.
Speaking of the show: Kurt Angle‘s face turn is complete thanks to the utter despicability (is that a word?) of one Desmond Wolfe. However, Wolfe clotheslined the shit out of Angle and ‘injured’ him. I wonder if this has anything to do with his arrest not long ago? … Chris Sabin is lucky he isn’t severely injured after taking a yurinagi (newbies read as: Rock Bottom) from Bubba Ray. He took the full force of the throw with the back of his head, which is Bubba’s fuck-up. Good to know Sabin’s OK, but his dome still can’t feel too well. Awesome Kong spent her week just coming to the ring and beating the shit out of people. Well, the second time she wasn’t too successful (thanks to Tara), but it was still pretty sweet. I wish someone in WWE would do that. Imagine Orton just snapping and making a couple sneaky run-ins, chair swinging. … The TNA championship storyline involves A.J. Styles just chillin’ in the back, then getting jumped every week. It seems like you would use your best storylines on the strap, but clearly Vince Russo is seeing things differently (of course). … Get Rhino off the air. Hell, put Hogan in his place. This is already more ink than Rhino deserves. … Give Hernandez a belt! … Speaking of belts, Eric Young has supposedly retired the TNA Legends title and called it the TNA Global championship. He won’t defend it on American soil or against American wrestlers because we don’t deserve it. I like this guy. … But I like the Beautiful People more.
And oh yes.
In the words of Kevin Nash, “Stay wet, my friends.”