Impact 11/12: Buying time…

(Note: The lack of recent posts has to do with missing several episodes of WWE programming. In this case missing is strictly in the physical sense, as in I didn’t watch them, not that I felt bad for not watching.)

TNA currently is in a weird spot. The company claims to be making its big move, it’s ‘swing for the fences’, as president Dixie Carter eloquently put it last week. However, it can’t really make that move until this guy shows up on TV:

Until then, which, hopefully, is right after Sunday’s pay-per-view, TNA is just buying time. The big picture is staying in neutral, if you will. However, there were some little things that, needless to say, entertained and refreshed fans on the most recent Impact.

  • Beautiful People, ugly stick: Madison and Velvet have claimed to be cleansing the world, one ugly person at a time. With their newest member, the lovely Lacey Von Erich, comes a new prop. Lacey literally carries around an Ugly Stick. OK, so it’s a bubble-gum pink nightstick. It still kicks ass.
  • Old dogs, no tricks: As if adding 56-year-old Hogan wasn’t enough, TNA debuted two ‘new’ competitors this week — Raven (45) and Jim ‘The Anvil’ Neidhart (53). Raven rejoined the promotion via a lights-out run-in that included changing the outcome of the Abyss/Stevie Richards match and shooting a fireball into Mick Foley’s face. Well done. The Anvil made what supposedly was his TNA debut during the Black Machismo Invitational, in which Jay Lethal (a hilarious Macho Man knockoff) vows to face/defeat a legend each week. Neidhart, who looks like he ate the rest of the Hart Foundation, somehow went over. So much for that.
  • Double turn, triple personnel: Team 3D started a heel turn last week, when Brother/Bubba/Buh Buh Ray used a chair in their match against Matt Morgan and Hernandez. They completed the turn in a promo that showed them buying into Rhino’s conspiracy theory (basically the young guys are trying to take out the old guys…a solid plan if you ask me) and going a bit racist on Hernandez. In the same promo, it is brought to the attention of the faces that they need a third man for their 6-man street fight at the PPV. Out comes D’Angelo Dinero, who makes a face turn to join ‘the future’ against ‘the past.’ Not often you see three guys turn at once, probably because it’s confusing, but I liked it.
  • X Division, simply Amazing: I now am convinced there currently are three things that keep me watching wrestling — Randy Orton as the best heel I’ve ever seen, Kurt Angle as a face, and Amazing Red as…well…Amazing Red. He’s young (27), risky, innovative and energetic…a classic luchador. Think Rey Mysterio in WCW, without the mask (or hip-hop makeover, depending on the era) and before he was doomed to a life of David vs. Goliath matches. If you’re a wrestling fan, you will *love* this guy.
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SD 10/30: Unleash the (evil) Animal

Batista served some sort of purpose. Not sure really what, because I always found him annoying…just a jacked-up, crazed dude with limited skill besides a couple power moves, but people absolutely loved him.

With all that being said, I love Batista as a heel.

A message board I’m a part of said the quickest way to turn someone heel was to “beat the ever-loving piss out of Jeff Hardy or Rey Mysterio.” Dave Batista did that and said two words that cemented the turn.

“Eddie’s dead.”

During an in-ring promo, Rey was trying quite unsuccessfully to “straighten thing out” after getting the ever-loving piss beaten out of him Sunday. Hence, the following exchange (paraphrased, of course):

Rey: What about all we’ve been through, dog? What about Eddie, man?

Dave: Eddie’s dead.

*crowd gasps*

The crowd literally didn’t know what to do. Vicious booing would’ve been the best reaction, but it was so shocked that Batista would stoop to such a level with such quickness.

The thing is he’s damn good at it. The big, pissed-off, short-fuse bad guy is a perfect role for him physically and creatively. He plays the part well, and as a bruising heel he can just go in and beat the hell out of guys without worrying about being technically skilled (which he’s not).

Plus, it opens up a lot of things in terms of storylines. I’m secretly hoping we see a dark side of Rey Rey at some point…tell me you wouldn’t love it if Mysterio just snapped, found a new level of intensity, went over Batista and suddenly carried a chip on his shoulder into a pursuit of Goldie. You, my friend, would watch. Well, only if you could stomach the rest of the show, which is tough to do at this point.

Just this summer, SmackDown! was the most entertaining WWE show to watch. Now it’s ECW. Yeah, I said it…EC(fucking)W.

Couple more things: I’m pretty sure I’ve witnessed the first Diva jobber match of my life, thanks to Beth Phoenix and supposedly the only girl who beat her in her amateur career. Most Diva matches are squashes (or just plain bad) anyway, but this took it to a whole new level. … Eric Escobar needs to go away. Now. … If you’re interested, the Goldie match at Survivor Series officially is Undertaker, Big Show and Chris Jericho in a triple-threat. Hmmm…face champion against a tag team…that’s a great idea! Too bad RAW didn’t think of that! Oh…wait…yeah it did. That’s right, the exact same match for both titles. Wake me up when something original happens.