Let’s get ready to (Royal) Rumble!

It's that time of year again. (photo courtesy of Wrestling101.com)

After nearly a year away from this blog (I honestly forgot about it), I figured the perfect pay-per-view was the perfect time to resurrect it.

Yeah, I said it. The Royal Rumble is the perfect pay-per-view wrestling event.

Get 30 wrestlers to enter the ring in increments. Get 29 of them to leave the ring by being thrown over the top rope. Give the 30th a title shot at WrestleMania. Repeat every January. This is absolute perfection.

This year’s Rumble is Jan. 30, and it somehow is even better than before. “How does perfect improve?” you ask. Perfect improves, my friend, by adding 10 people to the match.

That’s right. Forty people in the Royal Rumble.

All there is to do now is wait a week and a half, see which surprising entrant comes in and tears the house down (probably Triple H this year), see who gets finished faster than Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High and, well, see who wins the damn thing. Another option during this week and a half is to train for the best part of the Royal Rumble — the Royal Rumble drinking game! The recipe, if you will, is below. (Note: If you’re not of legal drinking age, just stop reading here.)

  • Ingredients: Royal Rumble (on TV or DVD), alcohol (preferably beer…lots of it).
  • Basic rules: Drink once upon a wrestler’s entry. Drink twice upon each wrestler’s elimination.
  • Intermediate rules (for past Rumbles): Find out which wrestler has the most eliminations in a given Rumble. Drink twice upon his entry. Drink double (four) for each wrestler he eliminates. Recommended years: 2001 (Kane eliminates 11), 1997 (Stone Cold eliminates 10, plus a Bret Hart appearance)
  • Advanced rules: Before the match begins, each viewer picks a number. Drink three when that numbered wrestler enters the match. Finish your drink if/when that wrestler is eliminated.

The Royal Rumble drinking game is, quite possibly, the best original idea I’ve had in 25-plus years on this planet. If you really want to make it special (and possibly painful later), commemorate the first 40-person Rumble by drinking a couple 40s! (You’ll probably need two.)