If you have $9.99 and the bravery to watch RAW every week, you know for a fact that WWE’s best show is NOT on Monday nights, and hasn’t been for a while. If you hadn’t quite figured it out, NXT provided a hell of a hint last week. NXT Takeover 2 (review here) was the company’s best show of the year to date in terms of the stuff that matters. You know, the stuff in the 20-by-20 box. (Photo gallery here)
NXT has the benefit of quarterly special events, meaning there are about 12 weeks to build to each event. So how do we follow up such a great event?
With Titus O’Neil, of course!
All photos are screenshots from WWE Network programming.
Hold up … Superstars isn’t for another hour! Eh, maybe he’s just early. Nope, he has an actual reason to be here and honor us with his presence. The rationale here: NXT showed up on RAW last week? He’s gonna “take some of y’all’s time.” Very well.
Sami Zayn puts this to a merciful end. Or so we believe.
After some gimmick infringement (who doesn’t mock the Omega sign and the bark), he kicks some knowledge.
I’m so glad you’re here, because you really are filling a giant void of what we need here in NXT, which is a giant buffoon who couldn’t win a match to save his life. And hey, news flash, OK? While you’re busy getting beaten up by bunnies, we’re here in NXT STEALING. THE. SHOW!
That would qualify as shots fired, right?
Titus offers to steal this show by offering the beating of a lifetime in a match.
Did someone suggest wrestling?
The champ can’t wait to join in the debate here. Because if anyone wants to challenge NXT, he’s the one to defend it. Sami makes sure we’re clear Neville’s the only man to defend the show because he’s the champ (well, duh, Sami), and the man who may have actually stolen the show at Takeover 2 makes sure he has a say as well.
Tyson Kidd calls Zayn and Neville losers, with the only difference being one has a belt and the other doesn’t. Kidd then brings up a valid, shall we say, fact: Wouldn’t you do what Neville did at Takeover 2, pull the ref out of the ring to prevent a 3 count and do whatever it takes to keep the belt? Sami gets it, but said it wouldn’t really fit his moral compass. Neville informs Sami that’s why the belt will NEVER really fit on his waist.
That DOES qualify as shots fired.
Titus doesn’t care about all this — nor should he — so he turns the attention back to himself, just in time for the General Manager to call out a tag team match, playas!
Sorry, wrong GM.
Or is it?
“Gentlemen, please. This is a fighting show, not a whining show. So I suggest we somehow get to fighting.”
William Regal then tells us what’s best for business: All four men competing … O’Neil and Kidd vs. Zayn and Neville. Holla holla holla!
Obligatory Teddy Long joke aside, Regal has a point. NXT has been more about fighting than whining. But it was refreshing and interesting to see how some of the top NXT guys would fit in a RAW or SmackDown setting by leading off the show with promo time, and there really were no weak spots in the nearly-10-minute opening segment.
Three matches and a video package later, it’s main event time.
Good thing Titus brought his trunks and boots, or else that could’ve been awkward. Though if Cody Rhodes can defend the Intercontinental Championship in a suit, and if heel Jeff Hardy can defend a world championship in a tie with a cigarette …
(I swear I was the only mark for heel Hardy in TNA in 2010-11. Just an angsty, vicious human being. I even didn’t mind that purple custom belt until it went elsewhere.)
Anyway, back on topic. We’re still hammering home the “Zayn hasn’t won the big one” angle. After all, he hasn’t. Luckily, his partner has.
TYSON KIDD & TITUS O’NEIL vs. NXT Champion ADRIAN NEVILLE & SAMI ZAYN
Zayn starts … and Neville tags himself in after maybe 15 seconds. He’s already having a much easier time getting into the ring than last week. Armdrag and quick cover from the champ, and after he pulls Kidd into the corner, Zayn makes turnabout fair play in two forms — blind tag AND a standing moonsault as a “Better than Neville!” chant breaks out.
Neville tags in and responds with a corkscrew Shooting Star Press. A STANDING corkscrew Shooting Star Press. Damn, son.
Cover for 2, because he mostly connected with the lower body. Damn him for not being perfect. Headlock time, and Titus is super impatient. OK, not really. But it looks like he wouldn’t mind getting into the ring.
Neville’s ready to go outside to dive on Kidd, but Zayn cockblocks him and hits the springboard moonsault. This happened in reverse last week. Break time after a stellar 3 minutes.
Sheamus with an entertaining Be A Star spot, then Titus finally gets into the match as we return at 3:40.
One backbreaker. Two backbreakers. One nonchalant toss of his 200-pound foe. One tag to Kidd. You know, if they wanted, they could have Titus in NXT as just a freaking monster. At his size, against a top card that averaged 199 pounds in last week’s main event, he’s downright gargantuan. Anyway, Tyson works a headlock as Neville wants a tag …
… then shifts to the front facelock.
Titus gets a tag, and he continues to just manhandle Sami. Abdominal stretch at 6:20; Neville still calling for a tag. Zayn tries to elbow his way out, but Titus hits a forearm and elbow drop to the back. Then he stands on Sami’s face. Some people probably wish that would happen to Tyson’s pretty face.
Tyson gets in, applies the Tree of Woe and works away, including a headlock. Goes for a guillotine legdrop, but Sami escapes. The quintessential face in peril crawls to no avail.
Ever notice how heels ALWAYS work better in a thrown-together situation than faces? It’s like they’re so evil and bad, but they’re so much better at the whole teamwork thing. He slams Sami, drags him to the corner and tags. Tyson all about working the neck, this time with his foot, then back to the headlock. Armdrag escape, but a back kick from Kidd stops him in his tracks. Legdrop to the back of the neck, and Zayn finds a neutral corner. Titus with a slap to the chest, then charges the corner twice and misses. HOT TAG TO NEVILLE at 10:50.
Kidd’s in, and he’ll get the brunt of this fast-paced attack. Standing moonsault, but Titus makes the save. Sami goes after Titus. Neville up top, but Titus pushes him off right into Tyson’s knees. All Kidd needs to do is cover, and the champ is pinned.
Time: 11:39
Technical Merit: All four men brought it, with even O’Neil getting scientific and buying into the team concept of trying to break Zayn’s neck. Kidd is the best all-around mat grappler you’ll see in WWE besides Brock Lesnar, and Zayn and Neville’s one-upmanship not only furthered the story, but was great from a maneuver standpoint. The last guy on the main roster who could’ve probably hit that standing corkscrew Shooting Star was John Morrison, and he’s been gone for years.
Artistic Impression: The friends are fighting, and the heel(s) have the upper hand as we start the three-month build for the next Takeover. Tyson Kidd really has found himself as a cocky heel chameleon who can mesh with anyone, and it’ll be interesting to see where they go with his end of the story going forward. The aftermath of this match HAS to build toward Neville v. Zayn, which is the best fresh singles match NXT could provide right now. It feels like Neville’s in a slow turn at the moment, while Zayn will be the aw-shucks babyface until the day he dies. He played the bumbling face in peril beautifully, which helped one of the better WWE tag matches you’ll see.
TOTAL SCORE: ***1/4
•••
Call me a traditionalist, but I have a problem with a champion coming out first in any situation. Even if it’s for a surprise Emma appearance. Also, welcome back, Emma!
NXT Women’s Champion CHARLOTTE vs. EMMA
Emma dances around a bit …
… but Charlotte ain’t got no time for that. She does have time to grab the belt and inform us she is, in fact the champ.
Emma takes one look and swats it away. Within a minute, that earned her a figure-four headlock combination. Emma gets rolled around, then bridges into a cover. Emma continues to use her unorthodox style, then hits an orthodox kick from her back. Charlotte responds with an orthodox shot to the back, then goes up top. Emma puts a stop to that, hits an elbow, ducks a charge and rolls up. Some more dancing, and some pushes to the ground. More dancing and an Emmamite Sandwich until the champ grabs her while she’s between the ropes. The yank of the head ends up sending Emma’s feet into Charlotte’s face, then Emma hits a crossbody for 2. This displeases the champion, who hits a neckbreaker, then Darwin’s favorite finisher: Natural Selection.
Time: 4:07
It’s kind of disappointing how overplayed Emma’s quirkiness is, especially in terms of her moveset. As Emma proved at NXT ArRIVAL, she’s a great wrestler. Let her dance around and be weird before and after the bell, but let her actually compete! When you have two solid athletes and only 4 minutes, they should be athletic, not being all … Emma-like.
•••
You know how some shows try to make you believe things are happening live? WWE is throwing that out the window this week, because Justin Gabriel is pulling a Thursday night double. To his credit, he’s wearing the same gear on both shows. To his detriment, he’s jobbing on both shows.
OK, confession time: I’ve never seen Hideo Itami wrestle. And not just because that’s been his name for a week. I never saw him as KENTA, mainly because it took me until about May to watch anything outside WWE, WCW or TNA. Hell, I just watched the first like half-hour of my first (non-WWE) ECW show earlier this week. Thanks to a dissenting Roku 3, I’ll have to either start over or do some fast-forwarding later to finish the show.
HIDEO ITAMI vs. JUSTIN GABRIEL
Gabriel with an early headlock, then some acrobatics from Hideo. Nice leapfrog and elbow, and when Gabriel goes for a leapfrog, Hideo puts on the brakes, leaps and hits a one-footed kick to the jaw. OK, I’m on board. Hideo tries to pull Gabriel back into the ring by the hair, but Gabriel takes out the legs, re-enters and hits a double underhook suplex for 2. Hooks the arms from behind, and when Hideo tries to escape, Justin hits a knee to the side. A second double underhook attempt blocked this time, and Hideo’s kickboxing skills are on display.
Then he taunts Gabriel by kicking him in the head while imploring him to get up. Some more kicks, one from inside and one from the apron, then a springboard short dropkick. Hideo comes into the corner with a boot, then a running short dropkick. Up top, and Hideo hits the two-foot stomp for the win.
Time: 3:39
Soon after, he has company. Some vicious high-impact offense and one Fall of Man later, the former NXT Tag Team champions are angry AND satisfied.
Would YOU want to mess with The Ascension right now?
Anyway, Hideo’s debut? Decent. Maybe it’s because how much force would actually be applied to the point of impact, but he only got about a third of that stomp. Besides that, if you want some good, martial arts/kickboxing-based offense, he’s your man. He’s apparently quite busy in this set of tapings, so maybe we’ll get to see more.
Also, sign me up for more Justin Gabriel. If this were WCW, TNA or Ruthless Agression-era SmackDown, Gabriel would be a top heel in a cruiserweight/X Division capacity. In WWE? He’s enhancement talent with a vicious side.
•••
I hoped we saw the last of CJ Parker at Takeover 2, courtesy of one Baron Corbin. But here the hippie with the X-Pac heat is back.
Oh, thank God. So is Corbin.
BARON CORBIN vs. CJ PARKER
How tall does Corbin have to be to weigh 285? Like, he doesn’t look jacked or anything. Just tall. Alex Riley informs us the answer is 6-foot-8. Parker actually gets about four punches in after a corner charge from Corbin, but the End of Days comes quickly and without remorse. Hey, at least CJ lasted longer this time!
Time: :41
Corbin will be a star, and within 3 months of making the main roster, I’ll probably be dissing all the fangirls gushing about how ridiculously good-looking he is. To be fair, though, he has the look.
I may have to get my Twitter bestie/NXT and indy guru (Hi, Heather!) on the horn to discuss the extent of Corbin’s ability, since she’s seen him work more than 40 seconds at a time and she’s high on him. But, even in this tiny sample size, he’s much more vicious and believable in his couple moves so far than, say, Mojo Rawley.
Also, I LOVE the fact that he hasn’t said a word. Not like he’s had time, but you get the point. Arrive, kick ass, depart.
•••
After some shaky Big Cass camera work, we meet Carmella, a skinny Jersey girl type who wants a job. She wants to be “a fighta,” and she proves it by huffing a medicine ball into Enzo Amore‘s gut. How you doin’ indeed.
One essential element to the presentation of this blog is what we in the journalism business call “art”. Who wants to just read thousands of words of text without some photos to wash it down?
I watch basically every show I review on my iMac and, while taking notes, snap as many screenshots as humanly possible. It’s a hit-or-miss proposition, but often the hits are pretty good. There were enough hits during NXT Takeover 2 (full review here) that they didn’t all fit into the piece.
As a result, here’s a gallery! As always with NXT, all screencaps are taken directly from the WWE Network.
The Lucha Dragons, Sin Cara and Kalisto, led off the night as challengers for The Ascension’s NXT Tag Team Championship.Viktor brought the intensity and high-impact offense expected of The Ascension. But two days after a solid win on Main Event, he was pinned to drop the NXT Tag Team Championship belts he and Konnor held for nearly a year.
The Lucha Dragons earned the upset win and celebrate with the NXT Tag Team straps.
•••
CJ Parker faced a mystery opponent …… whom ended up being Baron Corbin. Corbin made some noise with just a couple moves in his 30-second win.
•••
Big Cass signals the start of the comic relief portion of the program, featuring Enzo Amore and The Legionnaires.Sylvester LeFort lost his hair vs. hair match with Enzo Amore, and thought he would lose his hair. But he did what any heel Frenchman would do — bail and make his partner, Marcus Louis, take the stipulation-fulfilling punishment.
•••
This man entered Takeover as Kenta …… and left as Hideo Itami, with an upper hand on The Ascension to boot.
•••
Bayley challenged Charlotte for the NXT Women’s Championship.Charlotte retained her NXT Women’s Championship in another solid Takeover match.
•••
The most gorgeous man in wrestling …
… with the most gorgeous entrance.Sami Zayn put on another valiant effort to no avail. He’s 0-3 in NXT special events, but averaging about 4.83 stars per match.On Sept. 11, 2014, Tyson Kidd was the top heel on WWE’s best in-ring show. Fact.Pre-midlife crisis for Tyson Kidd? Or just a way to drown out the “Nattie’s husband” chants?A very confident (almost cocky) Adrian Neville poses with the NXT Championship as Sami Zayn waits.Adrian Neville celebrates after retaining the NXT Championship.Adrian Neville holds his NXT Championship belt after pinning Tyson Kidd in a 24-minute, 5-star fatal 4-way match. Sami Zayn couldn’t get back into the ring quickly enough to make the save.
All photos are screenshots from WWE Network programming unless noted.
So is this.
And this.
What’s not cool is the ear-bleeding vocal intro. Just terrible oversinging. On the bright side, we at least know this week’s Superstars will be off to a good start. So who will everyone’s favorite heel tag team face?
Oh my God. This will be a bloodbath. Though I appreciate Justin Roberts‘ proper pronunciation on the jobbers’ intro.
THE WYATT FAMILY (Luke Harper & Erick Rowan) vs. LOS MATADORES (Diego & Fernando, w/El Torito)
I think we’ve determined Fernando is starting this match. Rowan beats him down, then tags to the worker of the pair. Tag attempt at 1:15, but Fernando eats Harper’s boot instead. Gator roll time, and it feels like we’re just buying time. Headlock time as El Torito gets on the apron …
… and provides a distraction as Fernando hits an enziguiri. Hot tag to Diego, who’s actually gaining momentum? Drop toehold into the ropes, and a … 619? No, just a slide onto Harper and out. Cover at 3:00, and Rowan makes the save.
Fernando and Rowan are forced outside in that order, then a Clothesline From Hell … OK, it was just from Harper … results in victory.
Time: 3:19
That was an interesting quickie match, in that the jobber team actually handled some business. An abrupt ending, but how long did you think Los Matadores would actually hang?
•••
I can’t remember who asked it, but the question was posed on Twitter: What exactly is the point of Superstars? Right now, it appears to be a Sin Cara vs. Justin Gabriel series.
Both wrestlers, especially Gabriel, would probably be better off working with the NXT roster. Hell, Sin Cara will be as one-half of the tag champs. The problem is Gabriel’s a tweener — a perfect fit for NXT without enough of a character, but too experienced in a WWE sense to not be on the main roster. If NXT gained that ECW/WCW popularity Triple H desires, it would be fine to just move him over. But, as a developmental show and no real character for Gabriel, it doesn’t work. At least Tyson Kidd has a pretty good heel persona to show for his efforts.
Gabriel with some new gear tonight. Not as … motocrossy.
Can we get this man some late ’90s Shift gear? Maybe something from the iconic Jeff Emig collection? Make him wear the jersey, too.
motorcyclemuseum.org
NXT Tag Team Champion SIN CARA vs. JUSTIN GABRIEL
The battle of the high flyers is quite physical early. Cara’s just chopping the hell out of Gabriel, but a kick and an intriguing rollup turn the tide. Some punches, a corner crossbody and an apron rollup, but Cara rolls out. Gabriel ducks the kick, rollup, rollout, connect on the kick, and Cara gets 2.
This is fun. The little guys should stereotypically be running and flying and all that, but they’re unleashing strikes and kicks, and even some mat-based stuff. It’s unexpected, but it works.
Cara goes for maybe a double underhook powerbomb, but Gabriel blocks and reverses into a back bodydrop. Back to throwing hands in the corner, but Sin Cara hits a sitout slam for 2.
First real high risk comes from the masked one off the top at 3:00, but Gabriel dropkicks him in the gut. Both men down, and it’s break time.
We return around 3:45, and it’s rest hold time. Gabriel releases, but only to destroy Cara’s back with an impactful kick combo and a stomp his foot on the throat. Kinda looked like Sin Cara tapped there. Mask removal gimmick time to no avail. Vertical suplex follows, and Gabriel rolls through into an arm hold. Sin Cara reverses and goes for a German, but Gabriel lands on his feet, then a kick to the gut and a lariat. Interesting cover — knee to the chest and a leg hook — for 2. Russian legsweep? No, abdominal stretch, with an elbow into the side for good measures. The luchador back bodydrops out, rejects Gabriel’s corner advances twice, then rolls him through into what looked like a single-arm powerbomb.
Pair of springboard crossbodies after some rest, then a somewhat clumsy headscissors. Kick from the apron, then a senton for 2 as Gabriel grabs the rope. Smart move, and Sin Cara is perplexed.
Gabriel hits a punch, a kick and an elbow, then a not-so-hot moonsault for 2. One thing he can hit, though, is the 450 … only he won’t get the chance, because Cara crotches him.
Cara goes for the top-rope Frankensteiner, meaning this is almost over. Gabriel rolls Cara through for 2, but Cara flips Gabriel and gets 3. Not bad, gentlemen.
Time: 9:15
Technical Merit: I loved what they did with this match, but the execution got a little spotty at times. *insert Sin Cara joke here* Credit, though, for the attempt.
Artistic Impression: It’s cool to see a miniseries like this, even though you either have to be a hardcore fan or maybe have no life to find it. The past two matches have been solid, and you feel the story build with different elements of the second match coming into the third, especially with the finish. The question is whether a story with these two men is something people want to see.
There’s no RAW review this week, and there probably won’t be for a while. You put together a crappy show, the fans will refuse to watch. The ratings, apparently, already prove this. I might even skip Night of Champions in protest. Hell, I skipped Battleground and survived.
There also won’t be a Midcard Report, The Champ’s most “over” offering, this week. Why? To cleanse the palate.
I didn’t watch RAW for the reasons above, but plenty of people did. As a result, WWE needs something to help these unfortunate fans try to forget. With Main Event almost always being at least halfway decent, we’re running an ME review early, with Superstars later in the week.
•••
Of course, with Main Event, we start with wrestling. And we start with the Intercontinental Champion! We also start with … multiple jobber identity crises.
All photos are screenshots from WWE Network programming unless otherwise noted.
Yes, a choreographed, staged athletic simulation has not one, but now two, stunt doubles. On the bright side, we have Damien Sandow Mizdow in a rivalry involving the Intercontinental title. However, not sure I can handle guys like Sandow and R-Truth, who can both do some decent work in the ring, being gimmicky copycats because they apparently can’t get over on their own.
If this match works, it’ll be in spite of, not because of, this whole “stunt double” bit.
Intercontinental Champion DOLPH ZIGGLER & “R-ZIGGLER” vs. THE MIZ & “DAMIEN MIZDOW”
At 3:15, I’m finally able to get the “stunt double” rant out of the system and try to “CALL THE DAMN MATCH!” Sandow hits a lariat on Dolph and tags to Miz. Miz commits gimmick infringement on Ziggler (you know, more than there already is in this match), but Dolph regroups, goes for the superkick, knowing Miz will duck, and rolls him up. Miz kicks out and tags, and the stunt double eats the dropkick. Sandow much better at this wrestling thing than his boss, and he gets the advantage heading into the break.
COMMERCIAL BREAK, tries to take this match seriously
We’re back at 5:35, and Miz locks in the vicioius Cleveland Nose Hook while riding Ziggler. Unfortunately, the CNH is illegal, so he resorts to a headlock. Dolph side suplexes out, and the stunt doubles tag in. Truth with the Stinger Splash, then a series of punches in the corner. Miz creates a distraction on the apron, and Sandow gets aggressive. Miz wails on Ziggler from the floor, and eventually tags in. Knee to the dome and a cover. Front facelock at 8 minutes as Michael Cole reels off some of the IC lineage. I’m sure this is a high point right now. Miz releases the hold to have a go at Ziggler, which simply allows Truth to hit a back bodydrop. Tag to Sandow, and he’s back on the offensive. Chinlock time, and Truth strikes his way out. Reaches for the tag, but a drop toehold, a drag and a tag to Miz.
Meanwhile, Ziggler can’t wait to get a shot at Miz, and apparently Truth decides he’ll get some shots in. Running corner lariat, though, from Miz, then a weak axe-handle sort of thing from the top. Front facelock again, then the tag to Sandow. Vertical suplex and cover at the 11-minute mark. Series of knees to the head and chest, powerful whip into the corner, and he looks like he’s going for a slowed-down version of that running lariat, but Truth cuts him off in the middle. Hot tag to Ziggler at 12:15.
Splash/neckbreaker combo caps the initial surge. Fame Asser blocked, and Miz hits half the Reality Check. Backslide , cover and reset, and Ziggler’s second attempt is successful for a 2 count. After some angry deliberation, a front facelock from Ziggler. Skull-Crushing Finale is blocked. Figure Four blocked into a cradle, and Ziggler goes for the DDT. Miz blocks, but Truth gets the blind tag. Miz tosses Ziggler out, and Truth hits the DDT, but Sandow breaks up the cover. Damien knees Dolph off the apron. Truth appears to botch the Zig Zag on Sandow, and Miz, the legal man, hits the Finale to triumph.
Time: 14:03
Technical Merit: Ziggler and Sandow are great wrestlers, so that part was good. Miz does enough to get by. Truth didn’t really appear to know what he was doing at the end, and he was the recipient of a lot of rest holds. He also looked pretty blown out well before the end. It won’t sound that way in the next paragraph, but this was a good match.
Artistic Impression: I like that the Intercontinental Championship has a story line. I don’t like the “double stunt double” bit. It kind of made sense for Sandow, who was imitating people anyway, and it’s funny because he’s better than Miz. But why the hell does Dolph Ziggler, the best salesman/stuntman in the company, need a stunt double? Just let R-Truth come out as himself and an insurance policy.
TOTAL SCORE: **
•••
Renee Young asks Seth Rollins whether losing to Roman Reigns on RAW is a “setback”. Rollins raises the briefcase and, namedropping Dean Ambrose‘s disappearance, etc., scoffs at this idea.
He’ll use brain over brawn to beat Big E., then his brain will tell his foot to curbstomp Reigns’s dome into any surface that suits his purpose Sunday.
His purpose appears to either involve not enough hygiene or too much. He’s on the Bo Dallas Hair Hydration System, and he’s a few weeks away from the Edge Is Back Beard. Seriously, that man had facial hair blessed by the Canadian gods themselves when he had time to grow it.
Unfortunately, we have to wait for that match, because it’s Brie Mode now. Yay. Consider the clear stolen gimmick from Marshawn Lynch‘s Beast Mode to Brie Mode, this is yet another reason to hate the Seattle Seahawks. You know, besides the ones their fans give you already.
This makes me unhappy. This also means promo time with Nikki Bella. And the term “voluptuous derriere.”
Besides that actually awesome line, can this get worse?
Oh yes. Yes. It. Can.
BRIE BELLA vs. CAMERON
Brie works the arm at :45, showing some semblance of wrestling. A clumsy-ass drop turns into a half-crab, which is escaped pretty easily. Cameron uses the rope as an impact weapon … Brie sells it … and Cameron covers. Properly, this time.
Weak headlock, cover, painful-looking suplex, then the legdrop cover. Again, properly this time as Cameron informs us, “Yeah, I know!”
Girl, you didn’t know a day before, and it’s your damn job!
cagesideseats.com
Yeah, I’ll count that. I’ll count it as another reason to mock your stupid ass until you mericfully get future endeavored.
Brie with a semi-decent lariat and some short dropkicks at about 3:00. Then that stupid “BRIE MODE!!!” leads into a missile dropkick. Cameron appears to set up “Girl, Bye,” but Brie hits the X-Factor for the win. Considering Brie gets X-Pac heat in this house, that’s SO fitting.
Time: 3:53
Like one of the Divas matches last week, luckily the 5-minute rule applies here, because this was bad. They appear to try — well, Brie does, anyway — but it’s just not there. Cameron’s gotta go; her only benefit is pulling off the “racy schoolgirl” look … which basically EVERY WOMAN WITH A PLAID SKIRT can pull off.
Brie does absolutely nothing for me from an in- or out-of-ring standpoint. At least she didn’t talk this time.
•••
JBL declared the main event would be a good one. We’ll see whether Big E. delivers; he certainly has the ability.
Rollins simply doesn’t have bad matches if he can actually do anything about it.
On another note, THERE’S A FREAKING STING DVD SET COMING OUT NEXT WEEK. Finally.
BIG E. vs. SETH ROLLINS
Canned “You Sold Out!” chants about a half-second after the bell. Nobody actually cares about that anymore … you know, except the marks still hung up on The Shield. Big E. doesn’t care about that; he cares about winning the match, and Rollins isn’t pleased with the early proceedings.
Rollins goes to the classic heel tactic of ducking through the ropes to get a break, then cheap-shotting his way to an advantage. That worked until Big E.’s shoulder and his right fist turn the tide. Shoulder charge to the midsection in the corner. Make that two. Vicious right into the corner, then Rollins hits three right elbows and goes for the suplex. Blocked twice, then Seth goes for the crossbody. Not so much. Big E. catches and hits a chain of three backbreakers before the cover. Rollins audibly calling spots … that one must’ve involved being knocked outside. Big E. bounces Seth’s head off the table, tosses him into a barricade, then presses him back in.
Seth’s springboard attempt blocked, but he does hit a face-first dive outside just before the break.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back at 7:00, and Rollins continues his control, this time in the ring. Chop block to the back of the knee, then he slaps on the headlock. Big E. powers out, but misses the lariat and eats a kick. After a cover, Seth locks in the vicious Double Ear Lock, then pulls Langston into the ropes. Kick, kneedrop, back to the headlock. Big E. powers out and knocks Rollins back-first into the corner twice, but Rollins reverses on the third attempt and charges in. After a reminder that brains beat brawn, brawn hits a uranage. Then a lariat of sorts. Then another. Then the belly-to-belly. Rollins hits a couple more kicks. But another belly-to-belly, and the Warrior splash for 2.
Both men down around 11:30. Rollins elbows Big E., dances around a bit, kicks Big E. from the apron, then TAKES THE SPEAR ONTO THE FLOOR. Big E. rolls Rollins back in, knocks him down, and ditches the straps. Big Ending? Nope, Rollins slips onto the apron. Kick, re-entry, duck the shoulder charge, then post Langston in the other corner. That sets up the Curbstomp. Done.
Time: 14:08
Technical Merit: This one was raved about on Twitter, and it was … OK. The style contrast helped, but it seemed a bit slow and repetitive at times. Then again, when did we last see Big E. go 14 minutes on TV? I know it’s been a while for me. Cool spot with the spear to the floor, but otherwise pretty average.
Artistic Impression: Even as Big E. built steam, there was never the feeling he would win the match, mainly because WWE is having Rollins go over on basically the entire midcard at this point. Cool to see, though, that Rollins can go in and work well with almost anyone, which will bode well when he carries a belt, instead of a briefcase, in the future.
TOTAL SCORE: *3/4
•••
OK, so that wasn’t all that great either. But fear not, wrestling fans: This week’s episode of Ring of Honor (which will be reviewed Thursday) is apparently everything we’ve ever dreamed of, and there’s always WWE’s top show on Thursday. I’ll give you a hint: This guy is the top heel on the top show.
You know, unless they’re slow-turning their champion. But hey, don’t you actually want to know what happens on NXT?
So now the bar is set impossibly high for Round 3 on Thursday night. The first few matches are definitely solid, but not quite up to par. Granted, every hole on this course is a par-2 instead of 3, 4 or 5. But when I took a quick break before the main event, I thought, “Well, this Takeover is good, but the main event must deliver.”
Holy crap, did it ever.
Not only was the Fatal 4-Way for the NXT Championship WWE’s match of the year, but there’s no group of four men on the active main roster who could come close to topping it. In terms of ability? Maybe. But they’re not hungry enough to put on a contest of that magnitude.
In NXT, we’re seeing a shift away from SuperCena (and SuperReigns, at this point) and supernatural sports entertainment characters, and toward focused, determined, technically gifted PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS. I have friends in Florida, and I’m jealous they can partake in the atmosphere live, whether it’s a house show or TV. When it shows up on Thursday nights, it’s like an Attitude Era crowd was crammed into a fieldhouse and placed around the WCW cruiserweight roster of the late ’90s.
It’s to the point where I don’t want to see NXT guys get called up unless it’s in bulk. I want these men to compete at Full Sail again in three months, because when you put Adrian Neville, Tyson Kidd, Tyler Breeze and Sami Zayn with Hideo Itami (Who? You’ll see), Kevin Steen, Prince Devitt and maybe/hopefully others … you’re getting unparalleled pro wrestling. If I’m in WWE, and I want to hone my craft to the best of my ability, I either want to be in NXT or be working with NXT talent as soon as it’s called up.
I knew of Kidd for years, but as a basically WWE-only guy for so many years, I didn’t know Zayn, Neville or Breeze before I flipped on NXT earlier this year. I now know them as three of the finest workers under the banner of the premier promotion in the world. There was passion you don’t see on RAW, SmackDown or Impact. There was in-ring work the main-roster guys either aren’t able, willing or allowed to replicate. There was intense drama for the entire second half of a 24-minute event. And there was a champion who, against three opponents who would deserve the belt in a heartbeat, showed why he’s carrying the brand.
Anyway, I’m burying the lead. Here’s why the show was so good.
•••
All photos are screenshots from the WWE Network.
Lucha! Lucha! Lucha!
Well here’s a good way to start an event. Considering how much matching attire Kalisto and Sin Cara have, methinks they’ll be a pair for a while. I just don’t expect them to become champions tonight … because, well, The Ascension.
THE ASCENSION (Konnor & Viktor, c) vs. THE LUCHA DRAGONS (Kalisto & Sin Cara), NXT Tag Team Championship
Obvious points of emphasis here: The power-speed dichotomy, and the synergy of the new team vs. the team that has held the belts for nearly a year. Cara showcases the speed with about three springboard moves, but Viktor knocks him into the barricade, tags to Konnor, and the big man elaborates on Viktor’s handiwork. Back in the ring, and Sin Cara’s newest tattoo may be Konnor’s bootprint on his chest. Big fan of the ground-and-pound here, and it appears The Ascension is pacing itself for a longer match.
Meanwhile, Kalisto is begging for the hot tag. Viktor nearly powerbombs Cara out of the ring, but he bounces off the ropes and hits a headscissors. No tag, however, and when Konnor gets in, Sin Cara just isn’t prepared for the onslaught.
Two kicks from Sin Cara, but he can’t break free. Maybe an enziguiri? Not so much. Some elbows? Nope. Konnor bull rushes Cara into the corner and tags, but Sin Cara slips over and gets the hot tag to Kalisto at 5:25.
Top-rope crossbody, springboard corkscrew, and a sunset flip catch powerbomb for 2. Oh, and Kalisto hit two slides on Konnor during that. Jesus. Cara dives onto Konnor outside. Kalisto hits another headscissors onto Viktor, who dips out. Kalisto dives onto The Ascension, who catch and toss Kalisto, only he (kind of) lands on his feet on the ramp. Sin Cara follows with a successful suicide dive. Back in the ring, and Viktor hits the lariat. That sets up the Fall of Man? Nope, Sin Cara cuts off Konnor. Kalisto hits his finisher …
… and the upset is complete!
Time: 7:36
Technical Merit: Quality match with the contrasting styles. Everything looked good, and there were counters when necessary. Great logical move by Sin Cara to cut off The Ascension’s finisher, and it opened up possibly the only way for the champs to lose. It was clean and made sense.
Artistic Impression: Cool story with the smaller underdogs winning. Guess this clears the way for The Ascension to … well … ascend!
TOTAL SCORE: ***
•••
Related to nothing else, Byron Saxton can rock a damn suit. Take notes, gentlemen. That’s style.
After a nice Adrian Neville video package, it’s time for our next match …
… which involves this clown.
His opponent? Not a clown. He falls more under badass. If you ask my Twitter bestie (I see you, Heather!), there probably are some other glowing descriptors.
If you must use Parker, get him out as quickly as possible. I like it.
•••
A super-arrogant video from Tyson Kidd, then … a hair match? I missed far too much many episodes.
Clearly Sylvester LeFort is The Legionnaires‘ candidate, seeing as he has the *much* higher quantity of hair, on his chest and his head.
To be fair, Enzo Amore might look better with a shaved head. On another note, HOW YOU DOIN?!
Amore sounds like a young DDP. Kinda looks like a young DDP if he had about four too many disco biscuits, too. OK, that last part’s a stretch. But Enzo would’ve been a NICE addition to the Jersey Triad.
SYLVESTER LeFORT (w/Marcus Louis) vs. ENZO AMORE (w/Big Cass), Hair vs. Hair Match
Semi-related note: I tried cutting my own hair with a brand-new clipper set when I was 21. I was all good until I tried to clean up the back. Ended up about halfway up the back of my head. Had to shave it all. Was scared as hell, but it looked good, and I’ve more or less kept it since. Methinks whomever loses this match either knows or at least thinks he’s got a good head. I feel like LeFort could pull it up. Keep the beard, the chest hair, all of it. But just take it all off the top.
Anyway, back on topic. Nothing too memorable to note in the first 80-85 percent of the match. Enzo leads with the jab, but gets distracted by Louis, and LeFort hits a lariat for 2. Louis and Big Cass get into their own battle outside while LeFort looks on, and Enzo gets the rollup.
We’ll see about my LeFort theory.
Time: 5:37
Technical Merit: Good thing there’s a stip, because that match was boring as hell. Nothing really happened.
Artistic Impression: The background story is good. The characters are great. But that match sucked. Then LeFort bails! Guess Louis has the better-shaped head. Poor execution with the bucket, though. Now Louis won’t have eyebrows or arm hair either.
TOTAL SCORE: 1/2*
•••
The most gorgeous vignette of the night follows. Complete with a Beauty Shot montage. Also, thanks for #Uggo, #Hobbit and #NattiesHusband.
Every outfit I wear matches gold.
That’s the fashion sense a true champion needs.
Hi, Jojo!
And hello, Mr. General Manager!
And konbanwa, KENTA!
Thank God … they gave him good music. That’s been a worry in WWE lately. (See: Ambrose, Dean; Rollins, Seth; Cesaro, Antonio). And he gave himself a good suit. Well done! The man’s always impeccably dressed when he’s near a ring. I can appreciate that.
And he’s cutting his promo in Japanese. I love it. Transitions to English … and transitions to Hideo Itami as a tribute to one of his heroes.
And, I guess, transitions to an Ascension interruption?! And he transitions to the floor.
“Yeah, we’re in a bad mood.”
Konnor demands a rematch, but there’s one problem … Hideo’s still standing.
And literally kicking The Ascension out of the ring. And grabbing a chair. This is freaking awesome. Even Regal’s enjoying it.
•••
I’ve never given an NXT match a negative rating, but if Mojo Rawley wins this next match, I just might.
Bull Dempsey? He’s a little more legit. By a little, I mean a lot. Mojo at least comes out swinging.
BULL DEMPSEY vs. MOJO RAWLEY
Dempsey fulfilling my wishes early, then Mojo gets an elbow up and hits a double-leg. That’s at least a wrestling move. Also a wrestling move: A 300-pound man hitting a diving headbutt. That’s it.
Time: 1:11
Just for fun, he gives us another.
… BULL! … BULL! … BULL!Let’s get him against ROH’s Moose Ojinnaka this minute. Or maybe Silas Young in a battle over who’s the manliest? I could go either way here.
•••
We revisit the hair situation. Again, like a true Frenchman, LeFort retreats. That leaves Louis to fend for himself. That leaves Louis’ head to be exposed to the universe.
There’s potential. He just needs to finish the job and he’s got a good look!
•••
We move from hair gimmicks to hugs. I’ll take it! Cool video package hyping Bayley as the sympathetic, happy-go-lucky babyface … and a possible future champion.
This might be the best entrance attire I’ve ever seen. That’s fringe that’ll make The Ultimate Warrior and “Macho Man” Randy Savage jealous from above. I freaking love Bayley.
The champ? She looks more than ready to go. If this were Jim Ross, he’d mention Charlotte noticeably slimming down from her last PPV match to give her more speed and endurance. Plus, well, she’s a Flair. Gotta be able to go 60, right?
CHARLOTTE (c) vs. BAYLEY, NXT Women’s Championship
Charlotte offers a handshake, but the challenger won’t have it. I get the feeling this will be less of a technical battle than last time and more of a traditional sports-entertainment affair. Though Bayley shows some nice pace and keeps the pressure on the champion. A backslide is viciously blocked into a neckbreaker. That looked painful from the champ.
Charlotte drops the knee a few times, and a cover 2 minutes in. Choke in the ropes, and the figure four headlock follows. Always a great sequence because it’s never just the headlock.
Bayley bridges for 2, but the champ keeps it locked in. Bridge again, and the champ finally breaks on the kickout.
Stomps to the gut in the corner, but Bayley responds in kind. Charlotte slaps her, then drops the shin over the neck. Not quite a choke, and it’ll set up the finisher well. It’s not a Flair match without a chop exchange, and we get it. Back to the figure four headlock, and the champ rolls around to add some impact to the hold. Charlotte throws in some strikes to the head, but Bayley isn’t ready to submit just yet. Charlotte hooks the legs for 2, then Bayley with a rollup. Another rollup blocked, and the champ goes for the figure four leglock, but Bayley rolls her up again. Dropkick from the champion, and we’ll take a breather after a quick exchange.
ANOTHER Bayley rollup at 6:45, then Charlotte goes with a knee to the gut. Cover to no avail as the Bayley chants get louder. She’s taunting the challenger, which only means Bayley will respond … with a whole lot of forearms and a shoulder charge in the corner. Charlotte turns the tables, tosses Bayley’s legs through the ropes and yanks her head down. Now she’s up top … ? Not quite. Bayley with some punches and forearms, maybe a slap, and she hits the hurricanrana from the top at 9:00.
Slow cover, and a strong, urgent kickout. Belly-to-belly blocked into a creative rollup for 2, and Charlotte seems to go into another rollup, only she rolls Bayley’s head right into the bottom buckle. Damn. Charlotte goes up and does the moonsault — a little too well, since she landed perfectly without making contact — but Bayley kicks out.
She won’t kick out of Natural Selection, which may be the best finisher name in NXT.
Time: 10:40
Technical Merit: A much different match than the last NXT special, but this one worked. Bayley did what you’d expect from an underdog, getting some spurts of momentum and going for numerous quick rollups. Charlotte’s just better, and she showed it. Bayley’s time will come.
Artistic Impression: From the video package to the start of the match to the end, you pulled for Bayley. Not just because they set it up that way, but because Bayley made you believe she could pull it off. The drive to win was there throughout, and it made for a fun, emotional match that was possible to get behind.
TOTAL SCORE: ***
Wait a second … Sasha Banks is in the house for a bit of bullying. Needless to say, the champ’s making the save here.
Seems like a decent code of conduct: Keep the beatings between the bells. Plus, Bayley earned a sliver of respect this evening.
•••
The point of Sami Zayn‘s video package: He hasn’t been able to win the big one, but he doesn’t think about that. It’s his time.
Oh, another thing: Hideo’s in the ring next week.
I’m tuning in. You’re tuning in. We’re all tuning in.
•••
It’s main event time, which means they’ll get almost 30 for this. Apparently the gorgeous one picked the blue gear for the occasion.
The arguably best man in the match, and the one with undoubtedly the worst music, is next. If I didn’t think he’d be an asset on the main roster like yesterday, I’d give him the belt.
Tyson Kidd has honed in on an actual character, which we’ve never really seen from him. He looks the guy whose butt you want to kick, and whose butt you possibly could … until he locks you in something and you cry like a bitch.
Random fun fact from Neville’s video to start: He’s undefeated in 2014. Bonus fun fact: He’s very confident, almost cocky. We’ll see whether that means anything as the match progresses.
The men in this match are 205, 197, 200 and 194 pounds. Chew on that for a second. In Vince McMahon‘s company, a “pay-per-view” main event averages 199 pounds per man. This is the future. Also, 1996 Eric Bischoff is VERY aroused right now.
ADRIAN NEVILLE (c) vs. TYLER BREEZE vs. TYSON KIDD vs. SAMI ZAYN, Fatal 4-Way Match, NXT Championship
It doesn’t take long for all four men to move out of the ring. We tease a Zayn-Neville moment, but the heels break that up. All four move back out for another round. At 3:00, Zayn finds Breeze’s phone and uses it in two ways — a weapon, and a selfie.
Kidd finally kills the pair-off routine by attacking Zayn, but Zayn goes reverse STO into a Koji clutch in the ring, and Breeze breaks it up. Neville takes Breeze up the ramp, which doesn’t seem smart … and Kidd chop blocks the knee from behind. All four go to the ramp, and Kidd and Breeze hit a tandem vertical suplex on Neville on the stage. The problem? All three men feel it. Breeze goes for a suplex on that ramp, but Zayn blocks. Kidd and Breeze hit ANOTHER tandem suplex, this time to Zayn on that steel grate ramp. Kidd seizes the opportunity and gets Sami in the ring, and Breeze joins him as we continue the classic “heels team up” portion of the program. Kidd rams Zayn into Neville, who falls from the apron to the floor, and the double-team continues.
“Nattie’s better!” chant at 7:00. Neville again attempts to enter, to no avail. Tyson hauls off in the corner, then Tyler pulls him out for some double-team work. Breeze covers, much to Kidd’s chagrin. One Kidd kick later, the heel alliance ends at 8:00. Neckbreaker and cover for 2. Neville AGAIN tries to get in, but Kidd kicks him off the apron. Headlock time as Zayn gets the crowd behind him and hits a jawbreaker. Lariat from Kidd.
Holy crap, Neville gets in! But not for long. Kidd throws him right back out. This is my favorite part of the match.
Kidd keeps striking Zayn repeatedly, then the guillotine legdrop with Sami hanging between the ropes and a cover. Tree of Woe at 10:30. Neville’s next attempt is thwarted, and Kidd goes to the apron to hit a HUGE kick. Zayn looks punchy, which means he’s about to get a head of steam? Nope, just some more knees to the dome in the corner. Snapmare into a chinlock. Meanwhile, Breeze has been selling that kick for about 4 minutes. He’s my new favorite to win.
NEVILLE MAKES IT IN at 12:30, goes back out, then FINALLY gets some offense. Breeze decides it’s his turn, only for Zayn to knock him back outside. Neville does the outside dive version of a cockblock, cutting Sami off and hitting a springboard moonsault onto the heels.
At 14:00 we’ll finally get Zayn-Neville. The champ gets the early advantage and goes for a handspring move, but Zayn clumsily blocks it. That looked a little botchy. Or a lot. Cover, and Kidd breaks it up. Kidd and Neville up top, and Zayn goes for Kidd, but Kidd launches him into Neville, who is dumped outside. Tyson tosses Breeze, then a hell of a swinging neckbreaker for 2. The snap on that was fantastic. Kidd goes for the Sharpshooter, but Zayn blocks. Rolling sequence and another attempt, but no dice. Enziguiri on the apron connects, but Zayn blocks the springboard elbow with his knees. Breeze comes in with a Beauty Shot on Zayn, a superkick on Kidd and a dropkick on Neville, who came in from the top rope. Damn. Covers on Neville and Kidd for 2 apiece.
We reset at 17:00, and Breeze is first up. He takes Neville up. Kidd joins Breeze. Zayn makes it a quartet, and adds a powerbomb to the double superplex … and Kidd still kicks out.
“This is wrestling” indeed.
Zayn gets revenge on Kidd for the entire first half of the match, then runs right into Neville’s boot. Could be Red Arrow time, but Kidd stalls. Basic moonsault on Zayn … but Breeze pulls him out and covers Zayn!
… for 2.
Rest break at the 20-minute mark. Breeze gets up and goes for the Beauty Shot on Zayn, but Zayn ducks and Kidd blocks … into the Sharpshooter.
Breeze goes for the rope, but Kidd pulls him back to the middle. Neville grabs the arm so Breeze literally can’t tap out, and Zayn finally breaks the hold.
The stage is set for the babyfaces at 22:00, and they trade staggering blows. Back kick from Neville, but on the next charge, Zayn back bodydrops him out, then hits the exploder suplex on Kidd into the buckle. Instead of following up on Kidd, he dives and puts Neville into the front row.
Zayn dives through the ropes in the corner and hits the DDT on Breeze. Helluva kicks Kidd back in the ring. 1 … 2 …
And NEVILLE pulls the ref out.
Hey, it’s within the rules, of which there are none. You protect the belt by all means. Zayn tries to do something about it, but eats a superkick. Neville runs up top, hits the Red Arrow, hooks the legs and retains.
Time: 24:10
Technical Merit: This is what we expected. Each had chances to show their stuff, and there were all kinds of moves to advance the narrative — finishers, submissions, crazy combinations, a four-man superplex spot, even some unsavory tactics from a babyface champion. Even had some false finishes that have ended 3- and 4-way matches for years. Great match.
Artistic Impression: This had it all. Unsavory tactics. Brief alliances. Several WTF moments. Sami Zayn getting angry. Tyson Kidd dominating the first half. Tyler Breeze damn near winning multiple times. Zayn getting robbed. And Adrian Neville doing absolutely anything to keep the gold around his waist. You legitimately didn’t know how it would go, and had I not kept track of the time, I would’ve thought the match was over maybe a half-dozen times beforehand. All four men came in with distinct, well-built personas, and most importantly, they brought it in the ring.
TOTAL SCORE: *****
Can I change my scale? As emotional and great as Zayn vs. Cesaro was to kick off ArRIVAL, this just had so much more depth from a creative and competitive standpoint.
Better yet, can we just do this again? Like … now? I’ll grab the popcorn. And the rum. Cheers, my friends.
What did you think of the show? What do you think of NXT’s direction? How will these guys translate on the main roster? Something something something NXT related? Comment below, or follow The Champ on Twitter @jpetrie18.
If you’re as disenchanted with the WWE product every week as I am — and judging by Twitter, you are — it gets better than RAW. No, I’m not just talking about NXT Takeover, which will get a thorough (and likely glowing) review from the champ later this evening.
Main Event is consistently better than RAW. You get three or four matches, only one of which is usually a dud, and you don’t have to deal with the Bella Twins or John Cena or anything that seems to drag on and give the “same old stuff” feel. Cena showed up that one time, but it doesn’t happen often.
Not only was Main Event better, but if you skipped through the RAW recaps … Superstars was better. OK, maybe that’s a stretch, but there was a good match hidden in there this week that made it worthwhile for at least a few minutes.
These shows are why the Midcard Report exists: To shine a light on the competitors and matches that don’t get seen too often, as well as to remind people it gets better than what you’re seeing. If you don’t like it, then just go watch Nitro. Hell, I’d rather watch that than RAW anyway. #nWo4Life
•••
We kick off the midweek with “breaking news” in the form of two Night of Champions matches:
Gotta say I like both of those, especially the second one. Randy Orton has been somewhat handcuffed by facing Roman Reigns in the recent past; now he gets someone who has chemistry with him AND ability. Chris Jericho may not be the best in the world at what he does anymore, but he’s still damn near.
Anyway, it’s promo time with the other new NOC combatant, Seth Rollins. Apparently it’s a new episode of “Where Are They Now?” with The Shield.
All images are screenshots from WWE programming.
They were dominant, and they put WWE on notice. But where’s Dean Ambrose, the unstable, unrelenting one? Well, he made a fatal error by going head-to-head with Rollins and getting curbstomped twice. Excellent use of college dormitory furniture!
Rollins brings up a valid point: Ambrose himself probably doesn’t know where he is. Another one, to me anyway: Who cares?
Moving right along to Reigns, and a jealous moment from Rollins. All he heard is Roman this, Roman that, Roman is the future of PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING. That’s all caps because you don’t hear it in WWE anymore. Frankly, Roman is all we hear about now. I guess it’s Seth’s fault, because he’s taking credit for creating him and leading him to success. But his future is obsolete, and Seth will destroy what he created.
You know, if he can avoid being impaled by steel cage spikes.
Oh yeah, there’s one more segment to this promo, which is just verbal masturbation. He says he’s the future, and he’s the future World Heavyweight Champion.
Apparently Jack Swagger (?!?!) has had enough. Zeb Colter rationalizes this bit by saying Rollins isn’t a great strategist, but rather someone who wants to talk about his enemies from far away and is too scared to do anything about it.
Zeb’s more than willing to see, through Swagger, whether Rollins is a coward, or a Real American. I guess it works for the latest round of “Seth Rollins needs someone to wrestle.”
SETH ROLLINS vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Colter)
Rollins is hot out of the gate, with his right hand, educated feet and quick moves giving him an advantage for about 15 seconds. Swagger’s shoulder deals a pair of crushing blows as Rollins regroups.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We’re back at about 2:10, and Rollins is back outside. This time, Swagger joins him and uses his power edge to introduce Seth to numerous hard objects. Rollins speeds up and outsmarts Swagger, and he gets a chance to stomp and choke away in the corner. Nice lariat from a man with about a 50-pound disadvantage, then he uses Swagger’s own arm as a weardown weapon. He tosses Swagger into the corner, charges into him with the elbow and waits for Swagger to rise. Maybe he shouldn’t have, though, because Jack catches Seth from the second rope and hits the belly-to-belly. Pair of shoulders from the Big Show/Erick Rowan collection, then the big boot and the Swaggerbomb. Takedown and cover for 2. Jack tries to gain some ride time, but Seth escapes and scores with a kick. Now the elementary, yet effective, fists to the back of the head. Enough of those will neutralize someone, right? Nope. Swagger is unfazed, and with some persistence, slaps on the Patriot Lock. Rollins squirms around and finally finds the ropes. He tries to leap over, but Jack just catches him, deposits him in the corner and goes for Kurt Angle‘s traditional toss from the second rope, but no dice. Seth hits the knee to the head, then the curbstomp. He’ll sell the ankle a bit, but he will do so victoriously.
Time: 8:59
Technical Merit: Both men can work, and they work pretty well together for this being a one-off.
Artistic Impression: Seth is an interesting case. He’s a great wrestler, and he has the Money In The Bank briefcase, but he looks vulnerable in every single match, no matter the opponent. It seems like it would help everyone look good, but it’s at a risk of making himself look bad when he needs to be built up really strong.
TOTAL SCORE: **1/4
•••
Be very, very quiet. Slatergator are hunting wabbits! No, seriously.
Apparently Titus O’Neil wants to catch Adam Rose‘s bunny in an attempt to enhance his chances of winning matches. Sound strategy, I think! After all, Bugs Bunny ruined a LOT of Elmer Fudd‘s plans.
After the next match, Slatergator tries to catch the bunny, to no avail. Titus catches Heath instead.
So without the rabbit neutralized, Titus must march on against Rose. Yay.
TITUS O’NEIL (w/Heath Slater) vs. ADAM ROSE (w/The Rosebuds)
Titus is squashing Rose for the first 1:15, but then the bunny runs in … or hops in. Slater opts for a sneak tactic, climbing under the ring and trying to catch the rabbit, who hits an enziguiri?! His workrate is better than Rose’s! Anyway, Rose pushes Titus into Slater and gets the rollup to help this mercifully end. I’m so FREAKING sick of Adam Rose.
Time: 2:01
•••
Who wouldn’t buy one of those Cesaro towels? Are they for sale? I need to look this up. I’d use a set.
Oh my … we’re about to feel REALLY sorry for Zack Ryder. Nice brotee, though.
CESARO vs. ZACK RYDER
Cesaro shoulder block, but Ryder gets back up, and gets the early advantage with a flapjack AND a dropkick. But that’s shortlived. Cesaro trips Ryder up on the apron, and the left knee pays for it. Stomp on the chest, then a spinning toehold when we’re back inside, but he misses a short dropkick in the corner intended for the knee. Ryder hits the Broski Boot and a splash to the outside, but the left knee is still hurting. He goes for something off the top rope, but Cesaro hits the swing and turns it into a SICK submission hold, a modified clover leaf.
It’s academic.
Time: 2:22
Now it’s promo time, and Cesaro calls out Renee Young for sounding surprised he beat Ryder. Young then says she’s not, and Cesaro makes The Champ lose it for about a solid minute.
“Zack Ryder is a former United States Champion. Who are you to doubt Zack Ryder?“
That’s right. Cesaro gave him the El Dandy treatment. Considering Bret Hart‘s classic promo had to do with the U.S. Title, which Ryder held and Cesaro is pursuing, that’s absolute gold.
I’m just bummed Cesaro didn’t call him a jam-up guy. Cesaro declares himself just better than Sheamus. More educated, more interesting, “WAY” better looking, and most importantly, better in the ring. Everyone knows it. The man’s right. He won’t just be the King of Swing; he’ll be the King of Wrestling. I can get on board with that. So can a lot of people.
CESARO PROMO: ***
We got to see Cesaro be funny, drop in a WCW Easter Egg and state facts. His in-ring work overshadows his wit, but the latter is totally there, and we’re witnessing it now.
•••
Now THIS is a Main Event main event!
The NXT Takeover hype machine rolls on, this time with the Tag Team Champions. Considering it’s the main roster, it’ll be nice to actually know who’s getting squashed this time around. Well, have a 50-50 chance, anyway.
NXT Tag Team Champions THE ASCENSION (Konnor & Viktor) vs. LOS MATADORES (Diego & Fernando)
That entrance was AWESOME. Great new video, and the strobe lights actually have that strobe effect in the larger arena. Viktor starts against … who cares which one? Double shoulder dive after the tag, but Konnor actually takes a drop toehold, a slide while on the ropes and a senton from the apron. He kicks out at 1, carries the other Matador into the ring and tags to Viktor, who just destroys the jobber’s upper body. More double-team work, and a weardown hold ensues. It’s weird hearing Michael Cole talking about NXT wrestlers. Matador wants a tag, but he gets a lariat instead. Tag back to Viktor, and we’re basically just waiting for the Fall of Man at this point. Hot tag for the matadors, but he misses a dive from the corner. Tag to Konnor, and we get what we’ve waited for.
Time: 3:59
These guys might be the best tag team in WWE. They’re a 180 from The Usos, who I wouldn’t mind seeing take on The Ascension in a 2-on-2 setting for the sheer contrast of high-flying flash vs. straight-up ass-kicking. They’ve squared off once before in a 6-man tag, and Konnor and Viktor looked great when they actually had a challenge.
•••
First time seeing this Superstars intro, which includes a LOT of John Cena, Reigns, Orton and Sheamus.
Then we start the night with … Naomi.
That seems like false advertising.
I’m surprised Summer Rae and Layla didn’t come out with a little person dressed like an animal. Is that still a thing or no?
NAOMI vs. SUMMER RAE (w/Layla)
Naomi’s in control until … Layla’s dancing distracts her while on the apron? Well then. I mean, Layla can be a distraction, but …
Anyway, whole lot of dancing around at 1:30, then a whip and the leg choke in the corner. Weardown hold from Summer, via pulling Naomi’s left arm in front of her mouth, and Summer “lets” her escape with some hair pulling. More conventional headlock this time and some spot calling, and it’s time for the babyface comeback? Nope, the slowest and worst set-up heelkick ever. Summer’s back to the headlock like she’s Randy Orton or something. Naomi gets out and it’s two dropkicks, back suplex, face into the mat and cover. Layla goes for the distraction again, only Naomi slips out and Summer has to hit the brakes. Bridge pin from the “veteran” Naomi, and we’re out.
Time: 4:33
I’ve started a 5-minute rule … gotta go 5 to be rated. This match should breathe a sigh of relief, because that sucked. Summer doesn’t really work as a heel, because she can’t believably control a wrestling match, especially against someone with actual talent. Had the roles been reversed, it would’ve had a better chance of working.
•••
On Superstars, this is something to be hyped about.
Get two small guys in WCW, they actually get some time (and take advantage of the time) to make it worthwhile. My faith is fleeting in this situation.
Also, this passes for a scintillating SmackDown tease.
Yeah, might skip that show this week. Again.
Anyway, after a bunch of RAW recaps, we get the luchador against the World British Super Duper Championship Motocross Wrestling Champion. That’s what I’m assuming, since he has the whole motocross/wrestling crossover thing going.
JUSTIN GABRIEL vs. SIN CARA
I forgot about the mood lighting until it came back on. Sin Cara wins the first minute and works Gabriel’s arm until he gets to the rope. Once free, Gabriel is more interested in using his forearms and pulling on Cara’s mask than actually trying to prove the “best high flyer” claim the announcers are discussing. Sin Cara pleads his case with an armdrag from the top, a dropkick, and a springboard moonsault onto a standing Gabriel from the apron. He tries to springboard back in, but Gabriel pushes him down, then hits a corkscrew splash onto the floor.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back at 3:40, and Gabriel has a hammerlock applied and is trying to tee off on Cara. A release German will help him as well, and he covers for 2. Russian legsweep follows …. then a submission? Maybe he learned something from Tyson Kidd after all!
Since it’s not Tyson Kidd applying it, Sin Cara escapes, only to get punched in the face and kicked in the gut some more. Then the spine. Then the spine again. Gabriel goes for the German, but Cara reverses and hits his own release suplex, flipping Gabriel on his face. Cara picks up the pace, hits the headscissors and flips into Gabriel in the corner. He goes up top, but no dice. Gabriel hits the Frankensteiner, then a springboard moonsault for 2. Gabriel? He’s not very pleased. Cara? He’s not very awake.
Now Gabriel sets up for the … spear? Not sure, but Sin Cara goes for the rollup. Nope, a roll-through into a powerbomb. Not bad!
Gabriel hits a DDT at 8:10, then climbs the ropes, but Sin Cara hits the enziguiri. Frankensteiner blocked, and Gabriel gathers himself and hits the 450 for the win.
Time: 8:49
Technical Merit: A different side of Gabriel in a rare situation as the bigger guy, and it actually worked. He’s believable as a vicious, striking technician when in the ring with other cruiserweights. Sin Cara was Sin Cara … nothing mesmerizing, nothing terrible. Just some dude who hits a couple high spots.
Artistic Impression: Gabriel showed some negative emotions, which is good. He’s working heel. He’s supposed to be frustrated if he doesn’t get the pin. It came off well, and it put into doubt whether he could actually win the rematch. This match was considerably better than I expected.
When you watch enough wrestling, it’s hard to actually have moments or matches where you have to step back and wonder, “What exactly did I just see?” Some promotions make a living (or go out of business) by having such events in a bad way.
The latest episode of ROH had the “WTF?” quality, but it wasn’t a bad thing. It … was a good thing. A VERY good thing.
The first match is good. The second match is a hidden gem. The main event? The hardest I’ve popped for a tag match in more than four years.
If you haven’t yet, get off your ass (or stay on it) and watch this show. If you’re a fan of fast-paced, athletic, pure in-ring competition, this is one of the greatest hours of professional wrestling you’ll see.
•••
We get superkicks for days in the main event! But we start with The Decade. Yay.
I still think BJ Whitmer sucks as a human being, especially after interrupting that Tadarius Thomas promo. Granted, Thomas’ second take was actually better until the end.
“You have no redeeming qualities. You’re a piece of shit, and I hope you die.”
That was a bit much. Anyway, Whitmer and Jacobs are in action.
THE DECADE (BJ Whitmer & Jimmy Jacobs, w/Adam Page & Tadarius Thomas) vs. CAPRICE COLEMAN & WATANABE
Nice trunks, Whitmer. What a smug bitch. Watanabe hits a lariat for the first advantage, and we get a tag and a drop toehold/splash to the back combo. Jacobs gets in and eats a Coleman dropkick and a kick combination. Also, nice trunks, Jacobs. I actually mean it that time. Watanabe whips Jacobs into the corner multiple times and side slams him. But Watanabe gets too close to the wrong corner, and Whitmer evens the score on the apron. Neckbreaker and cover, but Jacobs can’t really follow up. Nice vertical suplex from Watanabe, and it’s time to tag. Coleman goes right, left, right, lariat, right, elbow, claw before Whitmer hits him from behind. Coleman responds with a frankensteiner for Whitmer, a chain of three Northern Lights suplexes for Jacobs, and a springboard moonsault to the floor on both. Great sequence.
Dropkicks for both in the ring, and a tag to a fresh Watanabe, but since Whitmer’s still in there, he stops the threat. Coleman pulls the rope to dump Whitmer, then Watanabe hits a belly-to-back on Jacobs and goes up top with his partner. Whitmer knocks Coleman off and distracts Watanabe, which leads to a Jacobs spear and a double-team finisher, the All Seeing Eye.
Time: 6:16
Technical Merit: Caprice is fantastic. The man just doesn’t seem to slow down, especially in a tag-team setting. Great combinations and sequences that really moved the match along.
Artistic Impression: The bad guys took a beating, but won the numbers game at the end. Was it decisive? No. Does that matter? Not really.
TOTAL SCORE: **1/4
After the match, The Decade starts recruiting? I guess it’s the “if you can’t beat us, join us” philosophy.
Caprice puts an end to that when he comes to.
•••
“The other day, I walked into the house, and I saw my nephew on the computer, and he told me he was being cyber-bullied. So I picked up the keyboard, I smacked him in the back of the head, and i told him, ‘Now you’re really being bullied.'”
A great prelude to the appearance of The Last Real Man in Professional Wrestling.
Also, he doesn’t like streamers, so he throws them back. I’ve found my favorite heel in ROH.
Hey, I remember this guy!
His TNA run was … well … interesting. He’s, well, interesting. Maybe he’ll have an interesting match!
BRIAN KENDRICK vs. “The Last Real Man” SILAS YOUNG
Silas doesn’t think much of the Code of Honor, so Kendrick gives us the first superkick of the night. Drives the knee into the back of Silas’ head and the cover. Several kicks, but that just makes Silas angry as he hits a lariat. Meanwhile, Kevin Kelly and Steve Corino are marking out to Kendrick on the mic. Chops from Kendrick, but forearm to the back from Young. Kendrick rollup, then some forearm shots. Charge in the corner, but Silas bodydrops him on the floor.
COMMERCIAL BREAK … and the weekly Jay Lethal Markout Moment
Next week? Briscoes vs. Young Bucks.
“It’s been a real long time since we got to whoop yo ass. You got a little bit more pretty, we got a little more ugly, and next week, it’s gonna be a pretty damn ugly ass-whipping for y’all little bitches.”
That’s it. I’m a Jay Briscoe mark. I love the ugly son-of-a-bitch.
ANYWAY, BACK TO THE MATCH …
It’s the 3:36 mark, and Silas is covering Kendrick. Headlock on the floor, then Silas hits a powerslam, but Brian rolls through! I like it. Silas doesn’t, so he’ll trade chops with Kendrick, who has much better ring attire than last time I saw. Pretty sure the tighty-whitey look was his thing for a while.
Now we switch to forearms, then kicks, and Kendrick ends it with a heel kick. Standing moonsault? Nope, that’s blocked. A few seconds later, the best rolling senton I’ve ever seen. Silas pops right back up, does a headstand thing on the top turnbuckle, but misses the springboard moonsault. Kendrick hits Sliced Bread No. 2, but Silas does a not-so-manly thing and gets his foot on the rope.
Forearm shot and another superkick, but a well-placed knee and a suplex from the apron to the floor put Silas in control … -ish. There’s no way that didn’t destroy both men.
Kendrick whips Silas into the edge of the ring, then Silas goes for some sort of body drop, but Kendrick hangs on and hits a sick DDT onto the mat. Brian goes up top and hits a frog splah, but that’s not enough either. Sliced Bread No. 2 attempt thwarted, so Kendrick goes for a backslide. Silas rolls out and just kicks the hell out of Kendrick’s dome. But that doesn’t faze him as Kendrick gets a boot up, but then he falls victim to a backbreaker/lariat combo for 2. Kendrick kicks out, so Silas locks in the King Cobra hold. Kendrick can’t hit the rope for a break, so he rolls Silas up for 2. Second attempt on the senton/springboard combo is successful, but Kendrick kicks out yet again.
Superplex blocked, but Kendrick can’t take advantage as Silas crotches him up top, back to the ring. Kendrick fends off Silas and hits Sliced Bread No. 2 FROM THE TOP … for 2.
Kendrick jumps around a bit, and Silas puts Kendrick in a fireman’s carry. Kendrick goes for the rollup, but Silas sits into it and finally gets 3. Hell of a match.
Time: 11:23
Technical Merit: I forgot how good Kendrick is in the ring, and he showed a vicious side as well when needed. I’ve never been disappointed by Silas Young, and he played the counter game extremely well with Kendrick.
Artistic Impression: Both men hit multiple moves that could’ve ended the match, but they kept going. But it didn’t feel contrived like it does in WWE, when The Rock would hit about 3-4 of his finishers (and one of yours, AND the Sharpshooter) to no avail. They told a great in-ring story of attrition and determination, and you kind of knew it was going to be a matter of who can find a way to keep the other man down for 3 seconds as opposed to a decisive win.
TOTAL SCORE: ****
NOW we get the handshake. Turns out you just have to earn Silas Young’s respect! I get a feeling that’s hard to do, though.
•••
The superkick count is at 2 for the night. It’s about to increase exponentially. I’ll be honest … I HATED The Young Bucks as Generation Me in TNA. Like, “GET THEM OFF MY SCREEN!” hate. But that was 4 years ago. You know who I didn’t hate in TNA? Their opponents.
THE ADDICTION (Frankie Kazarian & Christopher Daniels) vs. THE YOUNG BUCKS (Matt & Nick Jackson)
Corino hypes the Bucks as the best tag team in the world. Apparently he forgot about reDRagon. Hell, I know about reDRagon. Nice headscissors from Matt early, but Kaz keeps him from getting much further. But Matt tosses Nick into a missile dropkick on Kaz. Nick then tries to splash onto Kaz and Daniels, but they catch him. Matt slides under, and Kaz and Daniels throw Nick into Matt into the barricade. With that, it’s time for a break.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We’re back at about 2:45, and Daniels is on Matt. Tag in, and a kick/lariat to the back/senton combo from The Addiction. But the Bucks take over from there and show some innovative double-team offense on both opponents.
OK, forget what I said earlier.
Nick handsprings for days … into a back rake. That’s awesome. Besides that, this is just too damn fast to call. Daniels bulldogs one Buck while clotheslining the other, then uses one to legdrop the other before a cover. For his next trick, he puts Matt up top, then catches him right into the reverse STO and the Koji Clutch!
Nick breaks it up, but Daniels maintains the aggression. Tag, then elbow drop/legdrop combo. Delayed vertical suplex from Kaz. Tag, and a leapfrog/lariat/assisted moonsault/springboard moonsault combo.
Spinning leg lariat from Daniels, which incapacitates Matt enough for him to turn right into Kaz’s corner. Another tag and a gutwrench suplex, and another break.
Just kidding! We’re right back at 8:30, and Matt’s still taking a beating from both foes. But Matt gets breathing room with a leaping snapmare driver variation from the top and … HOT TAG TO NICK!
Daniels takes the sea of lariats, and Kaz takes a dropkick. Nick’s just going off. Sitout facebuster from the apron back in on Daniels, then a tornado DDT onto the mat for Kaz. Nick re-enters with a top-rope crossbody for 2 as Nigel McGuinness rightly points something out … there hasn’t been a superkick, and we’re 10 1/2 minutes in. This feels very heelish. I’m down.
First attempt at one is blocked by Kaz, and he and Daniels hit a sitout powerbomb/neckbreaker tandem move for 2. Now a Full Nelson into a stomp from the top, and Daniels dives onto Matt outside. Meanwhile, Kaz hits a cutter on Nick for 2.
FIRST SUPERKICK of the match at 12:30 from Matt while Kaz has Nick tied up, and Nick rolls through for a cover. Daniels breaks it up, hits an enziguiri on Matt and goes for Angel’s Wings, but Matt headscissors out. Nick has running knees for both, and Matt has his own Sliced Bread No. 2 variation. Another running knee and a cover. Kaz causes the Bucks to collide, then comes from the apron back in with a DDT on Nick. Matt hits a spear, then Daniels with the palm strike and STO. We’re a few seconds away from two more superkicks, one by each Buck for each opponent. All four men down at 14:00.
Daniels up first and has a series of strikes for Nick. Spinning roundhouse for Nick and a lariat outside. Then … hold up. Kaz rolls Nick up. Matt goes for a kick to break it up, but Kaz, WHILE STILL IN THE ROLLUP, ducks a lariat, hits a Northern Lights suplex on Matt and COVERS THEM BOTH.
Naturally, both kick out, because it’s hard to cover two men. He keeps the pressure on, but he gets stereo superkicks for his troubles. Bucklebomb into a kick to the back of the head. Matt hits a rolling senton to set up Nick, but Daniels knocks him off the top, comes back into the ring and lariats Matt out. He follows with a springboard moonsault onto the floor. He goes for a superplex attempt, but Nick blocks with a superkick. Kaz climbs up and hits the Flux Capacitor (great name for a finisher!) for 3.
… damn.
Time: 16:36
Superkick count: 6 (match), 8 (show). That’s 2 cubed, so it was exponential. Yes, I know. I’m a nerd.
Technical Merit: Kaz slipped a bit on the ropes before gathering himself and hitting his finisher. That’s the ONLY thing that wasn’t absolutely perfect. This was a 16-minute match that took about a half-hour to watch, just to go back and digest what moves actually took place. It was innovative and fast-paced, with plenty of fresh tandem moves and great individual efforts. You go into a tag-team match dreaming of something like this, and it happened here.
Artistic Impression: What’s not to love? In a one-off dream match, the only story you have is the one in the ring. Both teams told a beautiful story of athletic competition that’s just unparalleled in “mainstream” wrestling today. There just aren’t many teams who could keep up or have a match that good. There’s reDRagon … and who who else in the U.S.?
TOTAL SCORE: *****
I’ve now given the 5 twice. The first was Sami Zayn vs. Cesaro at NXT ArRIVAL, because it’s WWE’s match of the year. Granted, my wrestling viewing hasn’t strayed a whole lot from the mothership, especially from 2011 until a couple months ago, but this was the best tag team match I remember since the finale of the Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money best-of-five series for the TNA Tag Team Championship in 2010. I saw that match and lost my damn mind. Hell, I’m gonna watch it again now! Bucks-Addiction had the same mind-blowing quality for me. Hopefully it happens again soon.
Those are the last words spoken in the intro package hyping what appears to be tonight’s main event between two ugly-ass, badass tag teams, The Briscoes and War Machine. Jay Briscoe dropped that line, but look at Rowe and Hanson. They’re more than ready to oblige.
All photos are screenshots from ROHWrestling.com.
Did I say main event? Make that a semi-main … because the world title is on the line?!
OK, I’m in.
Hold up … the tag match is first?! Like right now … ?
Good lord. My kind of show!
WAR MACHINE (Rowe & Hanson) vs. THE BRISCOES (Jay & Mark)
I love the streamers, but how odd are they preceding this match?
Rowe with the power/real wrestling game to start, and when Jay blocks a shot from Rowe, both men tag. Random fun fact: Jay hasn’t been pinned in 2 years … ? Didn’t Roddy Piper have a crazy streak like that before WrestleMania 8? Anyway, way off topic here. Rowe’s beating the hell out of Mark in the corner; to be fair, any face rearrangements would be an improvement. Mark might be the ugliest man in wrestling.
Jay? A little bit better.
OK, Mark and Rowe are trading blows, but it’s time to plug for knee braces. I love the Internet.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back to action, we’ll call it 4 minutes, 20 seconds in. Rowe with almost a running cannonball into a standing Mark, and Hanson hits what I’ll call a Clydesdale Buster. Far too big to be a Bronco. Mark gets into chops and punches to break free, and Jay tags in and puts in some work. Hanson cartwheels away, so Jay hits Rowe instead. Rowe hits a German suplex that would make Brock Lesnar jealous, then Mark clotheslines himself and Rowe out of the ring. With three men on the floor, Hanson hits a 275-pound suicide dive, but Mark knocks him onto the announce table a few seconds later. Jay, seeing an opportunity, stomps on Hanson and breaks the table. With Rowe fending for himself, the Briscoes take control, and Mark hits a huge lariat, but Rowe responds with a saito suplex that forces Mark to the floor. Jay leads with the left, then the headbutt, but Rowe lands some forearms and haymakers with the right until Hanson hiptosses him onto the floor. Mark hits a mule kick on Rowe, but then Hanson with his best Clothesline From Hell impression. Jay decides, “Let’s add some chairs!” But Hanson comes outside and introduces Jay to barricades on two sides. Then they decide mats are for pussies and pull them up. Unfortunately, a few more punches are about as far as they get before the ref calls the whole thing off.
Rowe provides the highlight a minute after a bell, tackling Mark from the apron onto a table as Jay can only look on.
Internet Time: 9:12
Technical Merit: Plenty of impact and brutality, and it was all well applied. If you’re gonna have a brawl, these four are the men to call. Plus, War Machine are agile. I like bigger guys who can move, and Rowe and Hanson certainly can.
Artistic Impression: Artistic seems an odd word here, but there was an art to what these guys were doing. Two teams of asskickers came to kick ass, and wanted to kick ass so badly that the ref threw their asses out. I WANT A REMATCH!
TOTAL SCORE: ***
•••
More knee brace promo time, only this time it’s also World Television Champion promo time. That means it’s the weekly Jay Lethal Markout Moment.
After that, another type of promo, this one from Caprice Coleman, a very stylish individual.
He implores his partner, Watanabe, to follow his lead, not that of The Decade. Seems like sound advice, right?
Wait, we get a Silas Young promo, too? YES!
“You know, I’m getting real sick of seeing these anti-bullying campaigns. If it wasn’t for bullying kids out of their lunch money on the schoolyard, I wouldn’t have been able to put myself through college.”
Are you gonna mess with The Last Real Man? Neither would I.
•••
OK, back to wrestling, and back to The Decade. God, I hate Whitmer’s smug face. What a freaking tool. I’m glad this pic is blurry; it looks worse as it gets sharper.
Steve Corino sums it up best: “Whitmer’s been a real butthole lately.” But at least this match means Veda Scott’s on my screen. Hello, Red.
THE DECADE (Adam Page & Tadarius Thomas, w/BJ Whitmer) vs. R.D. EVANS & MOOSE (w/Veda Scott & Ramon)
Moose… Moose… Moose… Moose…
Now that that’s out of the way, Moose hits a dropkick on TD about 45 seconds in, then tags in to Evans, who is 139-0 how? Page puts an end to this mockery with a lariat. Like seriously … I think I could whip R.D.’s ass. Tag back to TD, who stomps Evans’ face a bit and tags out. Page slips into a semi-pumphandle variation and takes Evans down. Suplex attempt countered into a backslide attempt countered, then escaped into stereo tags. Moose with some corner charges and a headbutt, and a flapjack to Thomas … then Evans blind tags in. Moose hits the spear, and Evans covers! Awesome.
You know what that means …
Ramon seriously brought 139-0 AND 140-0 signs to the ring. Well done!
The result, though, also means Whitmer slaps around the losers, who finally seem to grow a collective set, if only for a moment before cowering through the ropes. Whitmer REALLY sucks.
Time: 4:09
•••
Coming up on iPPV “next week” at All-Star Extravaganza VI … some matches I can get behind! It may or may not be set up on another tab to go after this.
•••
Last time I checked in on ROH, Cedric Alexander won the Golden Gauntlet for a title shot.
Tonight, he gets his reward. The champ is here, people.
“Unbreakable” MICHAEL ELGIN (c) vs. CEDRIC ALEXANDER, ROH World Championship
Cedric starts with a running dropkick and a cover! Elgin tries for a crossface, but Alexander rolls into a cover. Then a monkey flip into a cover. Hey, gotta pin to win, right? Cedric is the aggressor, though Elgin starts driving the knee into the abdomen near the 1:30 mark. Then a reverse Tree of Woe sets up a running pair of knees into the back.
Random fun fact: Bryan Danielson apparently has the most ROH Title defenses with 38. Not sure whether that’s one reign, which they made it sound, or overall.
Not-so-random fact: Cedric tries to dive in from the apron, and Elgin’s fist causes a crash landing.
Alexander recovers to dropkick Elgin to the floor, but Elgin blocks a dive by pulling Alexander’s legs, picking him up and throwing him into the barricade. Then whipping him into another one. And throwing him back into it. And getting a middle finger from an enthusiastic detractor on the other side.
Back in the ring, cover for 2. Cedric slaps the taste out of Elgin’s mouth, which responds with a spit in Cedric’s direction. That will motivate a man. A short dropkick to the head, however, will kill that momentum. Deep breath and a suplex attempt with a creative block — knees to the shoulder while up top. STO attempt turns into an armdrag, and a Samoan Drop turns into a gutwrench into a piledriver attempt, but Cedric blocks. Elgin tosses Alexander off, and Alexander returns with a Codebreaker. That, my friends, is counter wrestling.
Both men trade forearms, but Cedric absolutely no-sells Elgin’s. He pulls the rope to dump Elgin outside, and after some deliberation, he goes for the dive? Nope. He dupes Elgin, goes to the apron and hits the springboard lariat. Now the elbow pad is off, and the elbow is in Elgin’s face. Elgin follows Cedric off the ropes, but Alexander cuts him off and hits the Michinoku driver for 2. The frustration is starting to set in.
Back from commercial at about 9:00, and Elgin is in rest hold mode. Alexander hits an enziguiri upon release, then hits a big boot on Elgin as he charges into the corner. Elgin turns him around and hits him in the back of the head, then sets up like a Razor’s Edge but throws him over, instead of straight out, for a cover. Elgin has an enziguiri for Cedric, then Cedric has a springboard kick in response. Ced’s thinking top rope, but isn’t quick enough to execute, and it could be superplex time. Nope, it’s push off and leap over time, and for Elgin it’s “catch the left leg and work the knee” time. A few strikes, then he slaps on an over-the-shoulder single crab while calling some spots. That looks like it’ll stretch a man.
Ced breaks the hold, and a few seconds later hits a jumping roundhouse to knock Elgin outside. THEN he hits the dive outside and a frog splash to the back on the inside, then one to the front … but Elgin kicks out at about 13:15.
Breather/reset time while Alexander sells the knee. Elgin goes for what looks like a discus clothesline, but Ced blocks with a strike to the head. Elgin elbow in the corner, but Alexander kicks Elgin while the latter is on his way up the buckles. Alexander goes for a move out of the fireman’s carry twice, but Elgin ducks and locks in that over-the-shoudler crab once more. Ced breaks, but gets a boot to the dome and a bucklebomb for his efforts. Cedric into a jackknife cover, then a Liontamer variation (the Stronghold), but the knee doesn’t hold up. It was enough, however, to injure Elgin’s back.
Alexander attacks in the corner, but Elgin ducks, catches him and goes back into the horse collar … this time with some stomps to the head. That’s just VICIOUS. Cedric’s out, and Elgin escapes.
Time: 16:13
Technical Merit: I like having to look up moves, because it further educates me as a fan. (In this case, the over-the-shoulder single crab.) If you’re doing that, you’re putting on a technically sound display. Both men brought a full arsenal to the dance, and it made for a great balance of submission holds, high-impact maneuvers, some aerial stuff and some straight-up beatdowns. Elgin has more mat skills, obviously, but I was more impressed with the challenger. Alexander is a star, and he’s believable doing anything in the ring. A great skill set and very fun to watch. This is twice in a row he’s impressed me.
Artistic Impression: I liked how Cedric kept getting frustrated, like he knew his chances were slipping away. I also liked how Elgin won the match, but he was far from standing tall at the end. You got the feeling these wrestlers pulled out all the stops to try to win a world championship.
TOTAL SCORE: ****
Check back later this week for more reviews, including (hopefully) All-Star Extravaganza VI and (definitely) NXT Takeover II. Wanna talk wrestling? Comment below or follow me on Twitter @jpetrie18.
Welcome to World Championship Wednesday, our review series on randomly selected WCW pay-per-views from the WWE Network. The selection process usually involves my wife picking a month and a year, and me watching the corresponding event. But she’s in Italy for the month, so randomppv.info it is!
THIS WEEK: WCW Road Wild 1997 (Aug. 9).
THE BILLING: “Lex Luger defends the WCW Title against Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The Steiner Brothers battle The Outsiders for the WCW Tag Team Title.”
So we’re in the thick of nWo dominance, only this is during the 10 minutes or so when Lex Luger was allowed to hold the world championship. Like, seriously … they gave the title to maybe the one main-event guy who is a worse wrestler than a 43-year-old Hollywood Hogan. (Note: This will not be the last, shot at the descipable Lex Luger this evening.)
We’re also in the thick of the “outdoor PPV in front of a bunch of bikers in South Dakota” era. This led to an … ummm … interesting atmosphere. Plenty of late ’90s eye candy, though, which will be pointed out by Dusty Rhodes basically all night.
All photos are screenshots from WWE Network programming unless otherwise noted.
Rhodes, Tony Schiavone andBobby Heenanare on the call. And if a bunch of guys can win … WCW will FINALLY defeat the nWo. Dusty: “Opportunity is knocking on the DOOOOOR, if you will.”
We start with a typical WCW-nWo JV tag matchup. Cool matchup screens!
BUFF BAGWELL & SCOTT NORTON (w/Vincent) vs. HARLEM HEAT (Booker T. & Stevie Ray)
I’m a mark for Buff, so I’m all about this match, even if it’s the nWo B-squad. Also, this allows us to witness Booker in a Yankee hat.
Not a fitted, though. You ain’t legit, sucka!
On another note, Norton just doesn’t seem like he wants to be there. Probably because Bagwell is a camera whore. Bagwell’s probably a camera whore because, well, look at him.
Buff gets the upper hand on Booker with a pair of hip tosses and dropkicks to both faces, then a lariat that’s slightly better than Luger’s usual offering. Tag to Norton, but that fails. Well, he gets a side slam in at least, which is sold as a potential finisher. I miss the ’90s. Booker obviously was good enough to be a world champion in WCW and WWE, but it may have been after his athletic peak. His work in Harlem Heat, especially in those quick spurts, is absolutely fantastic. Stevie pulls the rope so Bagwell gets dumped over at 4:00, reminding us the Heat have been, in fact, heels at some point in their existence. Book with the scissor kick at 5:45, and a cover for 2. He locks in the second rest hold on Buff; Stevie had the first about a minute prior. Bagwell’s almost playing the face in peril here, and he gets a much better lariat to knock down Booker … right into a tag to Stevie. On the mic, there’s an interesting balance — Schiavone & Co. are calling the match athletically while still discussing the prevailing WCW-nWo tiff.
Hold up … is that Jacqueline? I’m surprised, but for a different reason than the 1997 fans should be apparently. Then again, how often does a team get a manager mid-match? I only remember her from the WWF, hence my shock.
Meanwhile, Booker’s powerbomb attempt gets blocked, and Buff responds with a successful one. Hot tag to Norton (?) and he has lariats and shoulder tackles for everyone! Vincent (you know him as Virgil) distracts Stevie, and Norton hits the shoulderbreaker on Booker in the ring, but Jackie jumps on Flash long enough for Booker to hit a pair of kicks and get the cover, and Jackie pulls on Norton’s leg to get the assist.
Time: 10:20
Technical Merit: Nothing great, but when a couple bad lariats are the only complaint, that’s not a bad thing.
Artistic Impression: Gotta love someone outheeling the nWo … and a surprise manager appearance. It works for me.
TOTAL SCORE: *3/4
Road Wild score: WCW 1, nWo 0
•••
K-Dogg. Mother F-ing yes.
Skinny Rey. Also yes.
There’s some hatred here, and it’ll be settled (for now) in Sturgis!
KONNAN vs. REY MYSTERIO JR., Mexican Grudge Death Match
Rey sold the left knee on the way to the ring, but he hits a springboard dropkick and a headscissors in the opening moments. Lariat from K-Dogg and the “¡Arriba La Raza!” shoutout. It doesn’t even take 90 seconds for Konnan to throw on a leglock. I don’t think Nick Patrick counted when Konnan was pulling the ropes, so maybe “Mexican Grudge Death Match” means No DQ? Rey sells the knee again after a headscissors, and K-Dogg goes right back after it. Heenan declares Konnan will win because, well, he’s meaner than Rey. I declare he’ll win because the other guy has a bum knee. Rey’s crawling around 5 minutes in, and a legdrop into a legscissors. Great storytelling here. If you’re like me and only saw Wolfpac K-Dogg dropping gangsta promos, it’s interesting to see him work so well. At 5:45, we get the obligatory mask removal attempt. He’s successful, only Rey keeps it over his face. He gets it back on and hits a dropkick and a legdrop, and the leg gives again. Naturally, he hits another legdrop with the good leg, gets up and goes for a double springboard moonsault, but he misses and hurts the leg further. One short dropkick later, Mickey Jay FINALLY asks whether Rey wants to submit. Rey’s not about to give up, so he gets a belly-to-belly instead. K-Dogg grabs the leg, but Rey gets the rollup for 2. Then HE hits a short dropkick and limps around some more. Lather, rinse, repeat. Rey’s calling for the top rope? But he can’t get up there … OK, finally he gets there, only to jump into a cradle DDT. That was glorious. Tequila Sunrise time, still one of my favorite submissions ever, and Rey maybe took 3 seconds before tapping. Konnan still waits about 30 seconds before releasing the hold.
Time: 10:55
Technical Merit: This was Pro Wrestling 101 executed perfectly. The entire match was about Rey’s left leg, and it worked. Misterio still mounted some offense, but it was a matter of time before he just couldn’t go anymore.
Artistic Impression: Great storytelling, and a fun, simple old-school match to watch.
TOTAL SCORE: **1/2
Road Wild score: WCW 1, nWo 1
•••
Two things I learned after the match: Misterio was only 22 at the time, and gas in Sturgis was $1.30/gallon over that weekend.
I filled up my 1982 Subaru hatchback for about $9 at one point in the early 2000s; that gets you less than a quarter-tank in my 2011 Prius. And I’m the economically sound one, since it’s a hybrid! I miss my late teens.
After Gene Okerlund plugs the hotline and shows off a tattoo — no, really — I hear some Horsemen music. Out comes someone widely considered one of the worst Horsemen ever, and a man who no longer exists in the wrestling world.
The other team has questionable chemistry — you have a wannabe Ric Flair and a man who doesn’t give a damn unless it’s between the bells.
THE FOUR HORSEMEN (Chris Benoit & Steve McMichael) vs. WCW United States Champion JEFF JARRETT & DEAN MALENKO (w/Debra), elimination match
So Debra is Mongo’s wife at this time, but she’s in the other corner. Interesting. Also, Benoit has better hair and a better, more natural physique at this time. The Iceman and The Crippler put on a counterwrestling clinic to start; this is why people remember WCW so fondly. Then Mongo gets the tag and completely takes over.
If you’re WCW, why do you push this man? Why do you make him a Horseman? And why do you give him such great music in 1998? It’s mind-boggling. He doesn’t have the physique; he looks like a former defensive lineman who hit the treadmill, but not the weights. He doesn’t have the charisma. He doesn’t really have the ability. It just doesn’t make sense. He’s so … average.
Thankfully, it’s back to Benoit and we can get back to wrestling. OK, nevermind. At least Mongo hits a side salto before tagging Benoit back in. Meanwhile, Jarrett hasn’t been in the match. Mongo carries Dean toward that corner, only to get scoop slammed. Malenko finally escapes Mongo’s grasp … and he tags to Jarrett.
Wait a second … Jarrett pulls Mongo on top of himself, gets pinned, and bails. He still has the gold and the girl, so he’s Honey Badgering it.
That’s … amazing.
Now it’s 2-on-1, but now Malenko is getting a second wind. That includes a Texas Cloverleaf, but Benoit is in the ropes. He goes for the piledriver, but Benoit reverses, then hits the ominous diving headbutt. Mongo hits a piledriver of his own, and this one mercifully ends.
Time: 9:36
Technical Merit: You have Benoit and Malenko, so that’s good. Nothing looked bad, but it wasn’t exactly great when McMichael was in the ring.
Artistic Impression: Jarrett’s bit was fantastic. Besides that, just a classic story of one man being worn down until he couldn’t go anymore. Thanks for nothing in that regard, Double J.
TOTAL SCORE: *3/4
•••
The next match will just be one giant mark-out moment. Not just for this man …
… but especially for this man.
And it’s for my favorite WCW belt. I’m in love with this pay-per-view.
ALEX WRIGHT (c) vs. “Lion Heart” CHRIS JERICHO, WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Sounds like Jericho is the face here; Wright’s tactics are unsavory, but enough to get him the gold. Both men are second-generation athletes — Wright’s father, Steve, was a wrestler, and we learn of Ted Irvine‘s lengthy NHL career. Schiavone points out the fans can relate to the Canadian better than “the guy in key lime tights who dances”. I’m still rooting for Das Wunderkind here. Mike Tenay drops in and points out both men are over 220 pounds, which gives them advantages over the rest of the 225-and-under division. Subtle fact, yes, but completely missing from today’s programming.
Wright’s using the hair to maintain a side headlock at 3:30, but Lionheart breaks out and hits that trademark spinning kick to get an advantage. Jericho crotches Wright with the atomic drop variation, then hits a springboard dropkick to put the German on the outside. Another springboard, this time a crossbody, and pre-Y2J has set the pace. Vicious chop, break the count, slam onto the platform outside. Great ring psychology. He breaks the count again, but Wright puts him into the steps, then hits a vertical suplex, breaks the count once more and starts chopping away before depositing the challenger back in the ring. Simple, yet effective.
Wright goes up top, then goes down the hard way. Jericho follows by locking in 502 of his 1,004 holds all at once. That’s right, Junior. ARMBAR!!!
Jericho can’t decide what to do afterward, and Wright takes advantage with a spinning leg lariat. I love it when Tenay is around. Then Wright just sort of jumps off the top and lands a foot on Jericho. I guess it worked, because he had time to dance around and still whip ass. Back up, and after a slight delay, a missed moonsault. Jericho with a jawbreaker and three whips/running lariats, and he hits the Lionsault. Running senton, but only for 2. Jericho with a chain of two powerbombs, but the delayed cover results in 2 again. Jericho cimbs the rope, and Wright hits the great equalizer. Superplex from the champion, but another kickout. The German goes for the German, but a rollup results in a cover. Jericho goes for another rollup out of the corner, but Wright rolls through, grabs the tights and wins the match.
Time: 13:03
Technical Merit: This was a good one. There’s the element of both men being so young and a little green, but each man executed his moveset well. Only weird parts were some delays in applying pressure, which resulted in the other man getting the upper hand.
Artistic Impression: This was more athleticism than story. In fact, as a one-off, the story seemed to lack a bit. What matters is it was a wrestling match, and a fun one to watch, and the heel did a heel thing to get the heel win and keep the title.
TOTAL SCORE: ***
•••
Round 3 of the WCW-nWo battle comes down to the most decorated world champion in American wrestling history …
… and the man synomymous with go-away heat.
I liked Sean Waltman during the Attitude Era, but only because he was the little guy in D-Generation X, and I was a smaller guy, too. But it had nothing to do with wrestling ability. I’ve enjoyed one match of his in my life, and that’s when Bret Hart was doing Bret Hart things and made The 1-2-3 Kid look like a million bucks in a title match on RAW. But remember … Bret made Rikishi look amazing in a similar situation. So I’m with Hogan so far; the man can’t cut the mustard.
Also, why the hell does a skinny-fat white dude billed from Minneapolis have “thug” on his singlet?
I digress. His opponent has class … and he probably had himself a whole lot of biker-chick strange that week. WOOOO!
SYXX vs. RIC FLAIR
1997 was during the time when Flair still looked like a million bucks above the shoulders, but clearly was focusing on maintaining cardio shape over being toned. Proof of this: Heenan said Flair was “probably in the best shape of his life!” The veteran is mentally defeating the kid early, and he physically asserts himself with a knife-edge chop. We reset at 3:00, only for Flair to chop Syxx down again. Kid finally gets an advantage with the foot to the back of Flair’s dome and those “educated feet” in the corner. Then the Bronco Buster. Yay. Hell, Schiavone even sells it in an athletic sense. Give this man more credit as an announcer! Rest hold headlock time around 5:30, and Flair gets upright, only to be stomped to a pulp in the corner. Scoop slam from Syxx, then the guillotine legdrop from the top, but not enough to pin the 13-time world champ. Both men trade blows, but a spinning kick from Syxx results in a cover … and another headlock. Flair’s so bored, he’s alternating half-hearted slaps to Syxx’s arm. A babyface comeback ensues with some chops and the drop on the knee, but Syxx kicks Flair down once more. Kinda-sorta 450 attempt fails miserably, and it’s Figure Four time until Syxx grabs the rope. Since Flair is Flair, he gets the 5 count and then some further leniency. Syxx locks in the Buzzkiller, also known as the chickenwing, but only briefly. He goes for a second Bronco Buster, but Naitch gets the leg up into the “midsection” before the patented dirty pin in the corner. Vintage Flair!
Time: 11:06
Technical Merit: The contrast of styles worked here. Still never actually been impressed with Waltman, but he was an OK foil for the Dirtiest Player in the Game here.
Artistic Impression: I honestly thought Flair would stare at the South Dakota sky, so the win was a surprise. The only real story was Syxx trying to wear Flair’s upper body down, but failing to do so. Not a memorable match, but it could’ve been far worse.
TOTAL SCORE: *3/4
Road Wild score: WCW 2, nWo 1
•••
Schiavone says they’ll “step away from the WCW-nWo issue” for a bit. I’d be cool with them not talking about how WCW is finally “winning” the war, etc. This is just a bitter WCW 1-on-1 battle … which is absolutely perfect. BANG!
CURT HENNIG vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (w/Kimberly)
Hennig knocked Page off the apron twice, so DDP pulls Hennig out of the ring. Finally both men enter and we get started. Meanwhile, at some point, it started getting dark and the lights are on. Now this feels like Saturday night wrasslin’! DDP pulled Curt around by the hair, and later slips under the ropes and introduces Hennig’s 5-hole to the post. All the while, Curt’s singlet is almost all the way off. Purple briefs for Hennig, if you’re wondering. Page goes up top … ? Yeah, that didn’t work. What did work was Curt’s towel, which he uses to hang Page over the ropes for most of a 5 count. The singlet slowly moves back up Hennig’s body, and at 3:15 he’s modeling “The Andre”.
I know Hennig would be considered bigger now than then, but he seems a bit … less svelte at this stage of his career.
One thing that didn’t change is his technical ability, which is applied to DDP’s legs. The logic of the multiple spinning toeholds: Can’t hit the Diamond Cutter if you can’t stand up. Now the sleeper, but Page, with the backing of half the bikes in Sturgis, hits a jawbreaker. DDP appears to go for a crucifix, but slips into a backslide and cover.
This is the stage of Page’s career where there appears to be something there, but I don’t think anyone was sure what all he had. In less than a year, he goes from a midcard guy who maybe would work in the US Title hunt someday to being DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE and working with the top stars and celebrities.
Ref bump just after the 6-minute mark when Page kicks out and rolls on him, then Curt exposes a turnbuckle, hits DDP with the steel bolt and goes to the other side. Great heel work. Page is lifeless, but it’s Perfectplex time … and HE KICKED OUT!!! Guess that’s why they called it just the fisherman suplex … you know, besides character rights and stuff. Babyface comeback incorporates the turnbuckle and some punches, and another ref bump on a piledriver attempt. DDP hits his move the second time, falling forward this time.
Flair runs in to no avail, and he takes the Diamond Cutter. Hennig with another fisherman, but no ref? Oh, he’s awake! And he’s counting. We’re done.
Time: 9:44
Technical Merit: Everything had a purpose, and it was smooth.
Artistic Impression: Hennig always was one of the best heels in the business. Throw him against a man who has no problem breaking some rules himself, and you have 10 minutes of quality work.
TOTAL SCORE: **1/4
•••
Okerlund gives us another hotline update, this time on Raven and Stevie Richards … the “King of Swing”. Somewhere, Cesaro‘s like, “… really?” Then The Miz is like, “… really?” Anyway, quick break time, more or less before the big matches.
Fall Brawl plug, then nWo vignette with Eric Bischoff promoing on Luger. And riding a bike.
So that had a clip of “Voodoo Chile” by Jimi Hendrix, but we can’t get it as Hogan’s theme on the Network? I’m sad.
A few seconds later, I feel better.
OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHH! It’s Macho Madness nWo time again. DIG IT!
“Macho Man” RANDY SAVAGE (w/Elizabeth) vs. THE GIANT
How many times did Giant join and leave the nWo? Also, how wooden can someone be en route to the ring?
OK, there’s some personality! On the real, he did yell and make the chokeslam sign right before this. Still a cardboard box outside the ropes, though.
On another note, I LOVED Savage’s nWo look. Lot of fringe, etc., but all black and white, and a bandana in place of the cowboy hat. Macho goes for the slam, but Giant is just too big. Could’ve pinned him there, but he’ll dole out some punishment first.
Paul Wight can still get it done for someone his size, but it was almost revolutionary what he could do while in WCW and early in his WWF run. He had great agility AND strength … don’t think we’ll see him hit a dropkick here due to Macho’s ring psychology, but still just an awesome sight.
Savage has a habit of using Liz as a human shield on the floor, and in true babyface fashion, Giant gently lifts her, sets her down on the other side, picks up Savage and tosses him over the top rope back into the ring. Macho with the great equalizer … not The Great Equalizer, but several shots to the left knee to keep the 7-footer down. Savage hits a crossbody from the top, but when he goes up a second time, it’s catch, chokeslam, done.
Time: 6:06
Technical Merit: Basic moves, and it just seemed like the match was getting going when it ended.
Artistic Impression: Great psychology from Savage working the knee, and great selling from Giant. As sudden as the finish seemed, it continues to sell the chokeslam as an effective finisher.
TOTAL SCORE: *3/4
Road Wild score: WCW 3, nWo 1
•••
Hey yo.
Methinks it’s time for the nWo to take this one home. Also, The Steiner Brothers were still together? Methinks a turn is coming soon, if not tonight. WCW breaks out the fireworks and motorcycle entrance for the company’s longtime flagship tag team, and Ted DiBiase is in the house to manage. High hopes here.
THE OUTSIDERS (Scott Hall & Kevin Nash, c) vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS (Scott & Rick), WCW Tag Team Championship
Scott has an interesting look … he’s started the transition to Big Poppa Pump, but the hair’s still dark and pulled back into a tight ponytail. He looks like the type of guy who would run things in Sturgis.
Suplexes for Hall, including a double underhook powerbomb, but Nash breaks things up. All four in the ring, and the good guys clean house.
Tag to Rick, who I just could never get into, but the WCW fans love the barking, etc. The Outsiders respond by sending Big Sexy in.
Kneelift, corner lariat, the usual stuff here. Goes for snake eyes in the corner, but Rick dodges and hits the belly-to-back. Scott’s back in, and he’s in control until Hall clips him outside, then Nash nearly decapitates him with the big boot. The Bad Guy’s in, and he hits a chokeslam. Nash returns and keeps choking Scott with the rope, but Patrick won’t DQ the champs, since this is a title match and all. Outsiders tagging well, and Hall hits the fallaway slam.
Hall looks great, and he did for most of the ’90s. He’s focused, in shape for a 280-or-so pounder, and crisp in the ring. Really, until the boozy angle, he was on point. Another quick tag to Nash, who’s daring Patrick to call for the bell. While he discusses with the ref, Hall hits the lariat, and the no-tag switch here. Hall and Nash, despite being singles competitors before coming to WCW, were an absolutely fantastic tag team. Quick tags, plenty of shortcuts, imposing individuals … this is how heels should work. Abdominal stretch, which Nash providing extra leverage, and a tag and elbow drop to the back. Nash drops Scott in the corner, then Rick on the apron, and it’s 2-on-1 on Scott. Hall officially tags in and keeps hammering away. The pace is more deliberate, and this match is aching for a hot tag. Steiner gets about a third wind, but Hall with the drop toehold and tag so Rick must stay outside. Now Rick gets in the ring, but to yell at Hall, who’s on the apron. What an idiot. Phantom tag once more, and Hall’s working the neck … until Scott powers out and hits the electric chair just before the 12-minute mark. STILL NO TAG.
Nash is in, and even dares Scott to tag Rick, but no dice. Patrick’s threatening the DQ, but unless there’s something I don’t know, why would Hall and Nash care about the DQ? They can keep the belts! Nash misses the boot in the corner, but Scott can’t get his bearings. Tag to Hall, elbow to the back, crotch chop to Rick. Bulldog from the ropes, and Rick is steaming. Hall goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Rick finally comes in for a lariat, and Scott hits a belly-to-belly … and doesn’t get the tag again.
… yet.
FINALLY at 14:45, Rick’s in to clean house. They set up Hall for the electric chair bulldog thing. 1 … 2 … Nash pulls him out. THAT will get the DQ.
Of course, DiBiase grabs the belts, but Patrick rightfully takes them away since titles, disqualifications, etc. Apparently, bikers are marks, because they’re booing and chanting about male bovine fecal matter.
Time: 15:28
Technical Merit: Solid matchup. That is how a tag title match should be where the heels go over. By hook, or by crook, keep the straps. I loved it.
Artistic Impression: EXCELLENT work keeping Scott in the ring for almost the entire match. The faces were a little doofy at times to advance the narrative, but when one of them is Rick Steiner, what do you expect?
TOTAL SCORE: ***
Road Wild score: WCW 4 (no belts), nWo 1 (1 belt)
•••
Michael Buffer alert … and he’s trying to fit in. He also welcomes us to the “Hog Wild” main event. Maybe there’s just too much pressure on the poor guy!
Random sidenote: Loved his work in “You Don’t Mess With The Zohan,” which may be my favorite post-“Happy Gilmore” Adam Sandler movie. Skip it at your own peril. Disco disco. Good good! Disco disco. Good good!
Let’s move on to the Biggest Icon in Wrestling.
No black beard this time, but a fit and trim 275. He’s starting to get a little soft in the pecs at this point, but the pythons are on point … in 1997 or 2014. Also, you can’t look perfect when your 44th birthday is two days away, can you?
More fireworks for the champion. You know, to make up for his lack of charisma.
They call him “The Total Package” and he always had a great physique. But what a piece of crap in and out of the ring. One of the worst workers to hold the strap; MY lariats are more believable. The man couldn’t string a sentence together. He comes off as a total dick. He can basically thank Sting for having a career, and Vince McMahon for one of the least-deserved pushes in modern wrestling history. The Lex Express? The next Hogan?
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The only things Luger knew how to do were hit somebody with a forearm and put guys in the Torture Rack, to which I’ll actually give credit. That’s a cool finisher.
But then there’s the whole part where he beat the hell out of Elizabeth, and she overdosed and died in his secret affair house while he had his real family somewhere else in the metropolitan area. Terrible, terrible human being.
When he shows up in WWE Network interviews, I want to throw something and curse repeatedly. Maybe he’s changed later in life, but I’ll still boo his career and his life. Basically, I’m this guy from RAW in 1993, only better looking:
Anyway, let’s get back to the main event. Hopefully, this joke of a title reign will end in less than a week.
LEX LUGER (c) vs. HOLLYWOOD HOGAN, WCW/nWo World Heavyweight Championship
The main development: No spray paint on the Big Gold Belt.
For as long and as well as Hogan played a good guy, it’s kind of shocking just how effective he was as a chicken heel. The mind games, the backing away, the sneaky illegal tactics — it’s a man who was the best in the world at two different times with two polar opposite characters.
Hogan’s working the arm at about 2 minutes, presumably to neutralize the Rack, but Luger reversed that pretty easily. A pair of armdrags ensue, while Hogan calls for The Messiah to heal his injuries and the crowd tells him he sucks.
We’re reset at 4:15 or so, and Hogan uses Luger’s back as a nail file. Now he’s working the neck and upper back, then the scientific front throat choke. Luger responds with the super-technical 10 headshots to the turnbuckle. Hogan gets technological outside the ring with a cable around Luger’s neck after bouncing his cranium off the steel steps. Think Luger has a metal plate in his dome, too? He has a thick skull for a reason …
Anyway, Hogan tells Luger to watch out, calls him a piece of meat and Lex Loser. Schiavone: “He’s Lex Champion. Address him properly, if you please.” The WCW fanboyism on the mic definitely got annoying from time to time, but they redeem themselves by discussing how Hogan can win and actually selling the big boot and legdrop as an effective combination. Bearhug time at 9:00, then some kicks to the gut in the corner. There’s a lot to read, but not really a lot going on. The benefit of this match is you can tweet, get something to eat or BS with friends, and you can drop in, hit a few major points and you’re good. Major point here: This nearly-minute-long test of strength. Luger fails, then rallies, then takes a low blow.
Hogan follows with a stomp to the lower abdomen … “A legal maneuver,” as McMahon or Gorilla Monsoon would say if Bret Hart were applying it … and the trash talk continues. Big boot at 12:20, but straight into the cover. The crowd reminds him he sucks again, and he implores them to kiss his posterior. Suplex from Hollywood, but Luger no-sells it. Of course, Hollywood doesn’t notice until it’s too late.
Yes! We get the Worst Lariat Ever at 13:30! That will never be confused with the Best Moonsault Ever, though it would be fun to see Christopher Daniels break out both. Hogan goes to the eyes again, rollup/cover, scoop slam, snot shot to the fans, missed legdrop.
Random sidenote, since there’s time: How would young Terry Bollea go over in the mid-2010s in NXT? What would his finisher be? Would he just basically be Bo Dallas with the beliefs, prayers, vitamins, etc.? Would he still come off as charismatic? It would be interesting to see.
Anyway, multiple bad lariats, including one where he looks like he taps Hogan’s head, and the nWo runs in. No DQ, though, since Luger was the aggressor and didn’t allow the bad guys to get a shot in. The ref is simply telling Nash to get out of the ring. A fake Sting is out, though the announcers think it’s the real McCoy. Fake Sting hits Luger with the bat, then it’s legdrop, new champ and bail as the announcers’ tone suddenly becomes ominous and sad.
Time: 16:15
Technical Merit: It’s Hogan. It’s Luger. It’s gonna be as elementary as possible.
Artistic Impression: Hogan played his heel part perfectly. Besides that, classic nWo-centric main event with the run-ins leading to the bad-guy victory.
TOTAL SCORE: *3/4
Final Road Wild score: WCW 4 (no belts), nWo 2 (2 belts)
Dusty’s selling fake Sting as actual Sting in almost comical fashion. All three on the mic act like WCW is dying once again. It’s hilarious, sad and exasperating all at once!
Meanwhile, in the back, Dennis Rodman has a cigar and some spray paint for the belt. Poor execution (at least half the O is on a side panel, I think), but as a nWo fan and ’90s Chicago Bulls fan, this is the best finish to a pay-per-view ever.
Yes, this post has a warning: It might suck, because the show might suck. It also might suck because what “sucks” and what doesn’t may differ from person to person. Though can we agree Roman Reigns and The Bella Twins suck yet? If you don’t, just step away and come back for the Midcard Report later this week. They’re far from immune from my venom, even if Reigns claims to have an antidote. (That’ll make sense later.)
Anyway, I skipped RAW last week, and I should’ve skipped the week before. But the wife’s out of town, and I’m bored, so let’s give this a shot!
•••
So we’re starting with a steel cage?
All photos, unless otherwise noted, are screenshots from WWE programming on Hulu Plus.
And Chris Jericho?
AND Bray Wyatt?
You have my attention. Nobody needs to “save” anyone tonight, boys. Just get in the cage and get it done.
CHRIS JERICHO vs. BRAY WYATT (w/The Wyatt Family), Steel Cage match
We’re going vintage steel cage rules here — you can get out, or you can beat the opponent in the ring. Bray goes for an escape about 90 seconds in, but otherwise the usual deliberate, brawling style from him. Jericho is energetic and impactful, snapping off a dropkick and hitting a nice enziguiri in the first 2 minutes or so. They’re selling the contrasting styles. Y2J’s first attempt comes when he climbs the buckles after being whipped in, but Erick Rowan and Luke Harper were waiting. Plus, well, Bray pulled him down. First use of the cage as a weapon comes at 3:45, when Bray tosses Jericho. Also the first…
…COMMERCIAL BREAK.
We’re back, Wyatt’s on the floor and Jericho’s heading up top. He starts to climb over, but the Family is ready to welcome him. Jericho has other plans, and after a shrug, he does his best Jimmy Snuka impression.
Not the cleanest splash in the world, but when you’re that high, the crossbody WILL be effective if you make contact. Also, Jericho said on Instagram he hadn’t done that since about 1993, which may be how/why he’s selling the right knee. It’s not enough to keep him from crawling to the door, and basically everything except the feet make it out. Wyatt’s just brutalizing Y2J in an attempt to keep him in, then he finally goes to the right knee five times and rolls out.
Hulu time: 7:26
Technical Merit: Anytime there’s a cage dive, it’s a good thing. Also sold the speed/power dichotomy nicely, and the knee injury was used effectively.
Artistic Impression: This angle has to end somehow, right? If this is it, it ended well, especially with the post-match beatdown with more knee shots and Sister Abigail.
TOTAL SCORE: **1/2
•••
The Intercontinental Champion has a microphone, and he’s referring to The Fappening. Attention? Retained.
Apparently, nobody should’ve been victimized by the iCloud hack spree. Well, except for one D-lister in his Target trunks.
And with a razor.
And…we’re not sure yet, because the D-lister and his stunt double are on the premises to threaten that Dolph Ziggler will never work in this town again. Ziggler doesn’t care about Baltimore too much, so we find out it’s a spray tan.
I love it! Damien Sandow Mizdow doesn’t, though, since he does The Miz‘s stunts, like taking a dropkick and the Zig Zag.
It’s little things like this that make wrestling fun — and make a belt matter. It’s topical and funny, and it helps the build between two solid characters (three if we count Sandow) continue.
•••
You know what’s not funny, and not supposed to be? This guy.
Paul Heyman wants to say things to John Cena‘s face, so he’ll get the chance.
Heyman leads off by brown-nosing Cena, of course. Then he offers to tell Cena how to beat Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at Night of Champions. Cena responds by burying The Undertaker for not being heard since Mania while he came back in a week, and insults Lesnar’s intelligence by offering a “Never Give Up” towel the champ probably can’t read.
Paul E. tells Cena that being Cena is his downfall. He lives for chants, but Brock doesn’t hear them. Heyman’s insider tip to beating Lesnar: Give up … and give in. Embrace the hate. Feed off the “Cena sucks” chants. Shut the fans up. Maybe heel on the Ravens a bit, because it’s Baltimore. Heyman believes Cena can give in to the hatred, but Brock doesn’t. Then we get the usual suspense spot where Cena weighs the options, ultimately tells Heyman to shut up and says he’ll never change. “Be John Cena, repeat, be John Cena, repeat,” etc. Then he drops Make A Wish and the military in there so you can’t hate him. But he does it with passion, so you really can’t hate him for now.
It’s tough as a fan, because Cena clearly buys into what he’s selling, and so do so many other people. But SO many don’t. It makes people buy merch, but it also makes people change the channel, or just “forget” to tune in. If there’s anything WCW taught us, it’s that you can’t just trot out the same aging hero in the main event every week and expect people to flock to the TV, computer, phone, etc. I get he’s a stopgap measure, but after this match, he needs to go away for a while or fade into the upper midcard, mid-to-late-2000s Shawn Michaels role where he makes everyone look good (and was somewhat outlined here).
•••
We get Jericho in the training room, and we expect the beatdown. But we don’t expect it from Randy Orton.
If only this didn’t feel like being jerked around into thinking Orton will finally be the dastardly heel we’ve wanted to return for about 4 years, only to be disappointed yet again.
•••
Seth Rollins is in action, and though I love Dean Ambrose not being around, it seems Rollins is searching for something to do. This week, the United States Champion isn’t busy either. He even has enough time to swat the briefcase out of Rollins’ hands.
SETH ROLLINS vs. United States Champion SHEAMUS
We apparently can’t find a way to talk about the match in the ring, except for an “Ohhh!” after a high-impact move from the Irishman. Sheamus controls the proceedings for nearly 2 minutes before Rollins gets some shots in, but then the rolling senton and a dump outside precede the ambulance … no, it’s just Cesaro in a suit.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Rollins is still bumping around for Sheamus when we get back, which I guess is a nice way to build up one of your champions. Irish Curse followed by a kickout, then a shot to a “scouting” challenger, who grabs the belt.
Don’t worry, he’ll put it back. But that’s enough for Sheamus to be distracted from applying White Noise and make him susceptible to a rollup. Then, after a tug-of-war for the belt, a kick to the back. Then the Curbstomp, which is sold horribly. Like bad enough where the announcers paid attention and said he didn’t get all of it. But it was enough for the win.
Hulu time: 4:25
Technical Merit: Pretty basic, but just terrible selling of the finisher. That’s bad, and that’s on the man taking the move.
Artistic Impression: It made Sheamus look good, and it made the U.S. Title angle seem semi-important. But how are we supposed to believe Rollins is an evil corporate badass if he’s getting his ass kicked like that? It’s not even like a chicken heel element … he’s just getting beaten until he gets help.
TOTAL SCORE: *1/4
Cesaro’s scouting trip, needless to say, is over. Unless you count seeing how effective the Neutralizer is in real time and judging the weight of the belt itself “scouting”. I’ll allow it.
•••
Now we get to see how WWE handles xenophobia this week. Oh, it’s by Lana butchering the national anthem and telling us we’ll fall to Rusev‘s might, then playing the Russian anthem. Doesn’t count unless Nikolai Volkoff‘s singing it. Now the announcers feign anger and disdain. What a lovely segment.
•••
Oh crap. Reignshas a live interview. He’s asked what Orton meant by the whole “making an impact on the season premiere” thing.
“I don’t know what he meant. But I do know one thing. He’s the Viper, and he’s got the venom. *cocks fist* Believe that.”
That, my friends, will be your world champion in seven months. He’s garbage in the ring, and he’s worse on the stick. Maybe this is how the Internet Wrestling Community would’ve treated The Ultimate Warrior back in the day, but at least Warrior knew how to speak, even if it didn’t make sense, and he had some good matches here and there. Roman Reigns has shown us NOTHING that makes him remotely viable as a main-event talent. So he looks good? Cool. You know who looked even better, and had a better moveset? This guy.
At least Chris Masters could lock on a hold. Get it? Masters? Lock? Master Lock?And dress like an athlete.
•••
The Bellasare absolutely terrible, though Nikki is less so, and Jerry Springer is on this show 15 years too late. Luckily, though, we get to learn where they inherited their acting prowess — their parents! Oh, great, Brie’s yelling again. Screw this. I’m out.
The lack of an on-screen champion or perceived-to-be-credible stars leads to filling time somehow. And, with Total Divas back on, why not cross promote, right? Well, pardon the profanity, but it’s stupid fucking bullshit when this fucking mockery of our intelligence ends up on my TV screen every week. It’s why I skipped last week. It’s why I should’ve skipped this week. It’s not good television, and I don’t see how anyone can actually think it is. It’s not cheeky and fun, like the Ziggler-Miz segment. It’s not passionate, like the Cena-Heyman promo became. It’s not entertaining, like, you know, a wrestling match. It’s shitty, and it’s taking away from men AND women who can provide more compelling air time in the ring or out.
•••
Oh crap. Reigns is in the ring. But hey, it’s a SummerSlam rematch! So there’s that.
RANDY ORTON vs. ROMAN REIGNS
Credit to Reigns for adding a vertical suplex to his arsenal. I think I counted two lariats and that suplex before the break.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Orton in control, slapping on the headlock for an extended period of time. It’s boring, but I love it every time, probably because he’s not afraid to keep it locked in just … a bit … longer … to add to his heel cred. Hey, I think Reigns used punches AND a kick this time to power out. Side suplex variation, and now both men down. Samoan Drop, because he’s probably contractually obligated as a member of the Anoa’i line, but Orton thwarts the momentum shortly after with the quick powerslam. We’ll get the hangman rope DDT next … nope, a right hand and the dropkick from the floor. Leaping clothesline for 2. Orton gets a cover by dodging Reigns in the corner and rolling him up, then another with the inverted backbreaker. Another powerslam, this time catching Reigns from the second rope, but 2 again. Hangman rope DDT finally follows, and a bit of hardway color below Orton’s lip. Time for the RKO? Blocked and “SUPERMAN PUNCH RIGHT ON THE JAW! RIGHT ON THE BUTTON!” Hey, Hogan’s legdrop was more effective. Orton calls for the cavalry, which includes Rollins, Kane and some production crew, and we mercifully get a DQ as the steel cage comes down (and the accompanying music is on cue).
Hulu time: 9:17
Technical Merit: On one hand, it’s a Randy Orton match. On the other, it’s a Roman Reigns match.
Artistic Impression: These two men just don’t click. Both men need something new to do, and quickly. Orton is one of the best, but even he can’t make Reigns look believable. If he gets the belt, he’ll be the worst worker to carry a world title since The Great Khali, and he had an excuse — he’s freaking 7-foot-3.
TOTAL SCORE: *
There’s far more action after the match than during. Rollins almost gets impaled as the cage comes down, then reaffirms the wrestling fact that if you dive off the top of the steel cage, you’ll now hurt your knee. Though Jericho DID invent that. Reigns got some licks in, but it’s the customary Authority beatdown, complete with vicious chair shots from the Viper and a Curbstomp onto the chair after Rollins says Reigns owes him his entire career. Which looks about right at this point.
•••
If you’re patient enough to make it this far, you’re wondering, “Why u no haz NXT match?” It wasn’t on the “action-packed” 90-minute version on Hulu Plus. But fear not! There will be NXT blogging on Thursday night.
What did you think of RAW? What did you think of the blog? Is The Champ just a grumpy smark who needs to lighten up? Sound off in the comments below, or on Twitter @jpetrie18.
Armchair pro wrestling analysis at its finest … or something of the sort.
Internet Time: 9:12
K-Dogg. Mother F-ing yes.
The Real World Champ 